Chasing Ghosts
by adbailey
Summary: A murder takes Sara down memory lane but they soon find out that is exactly what the killer was intending. Now Grissom must keep a close eye on her while trying to make sense of the evidence. Mid GSR relationship...no one knows yet. Rating could change
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first CSI fan fic but not my first time writing…I do a lot of that just for fun! Please read and review, that seems to make the updates come out quicker! Goin with a certain idea so hopefully it all pans out and writers block don't sneak up and bite me…**

**Its GSR of course set in mid relationship before anyone has a clue about them. This will not follows eps but every once in a while I may refer to one**

**Disclaimer…I do not own any part of CSI**

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**Chapter 1**

**Sara rolled in the bed only to reach out to cold sheets. She sat up to wipe the sleep out of her eyes as she looked at the clock. She had an hour and a half before she had to be in the lab.**

**The graveyard shift had just closed a big case that had them pulling doubles and triples. Everyone had been running on just a few hours of sleep until they finally hauled the low life murderer in just a few hours ago and everyone had went home for some much needed rest. **

**Sara had been told not to come in tonight since she had pulled a triple but she reminded Grissom that he, Catherine, Warrick, and Greg had been right there with her. She knew he would not take the night off so she talked him into letting Cath Warrick and Greg off and she and Grissom could have the next night so they could spend a little bit of time together.**

**He had reluctantly agreed knowing that trying to talk her out of it would more than likely just lead to a fight that he could not win. Sara hated any kind of special treatment so Grissom agreed not to give her any. It made their secret easier to keep.**

**Sara rolled out of bed still exhausted and headed for the shower to wake herself up a bit. After making coffee and getting dressed she pulled her hair back into a low pony tail and headed out the door.**

**She entered the lab to find Nick and Hodges in the break room watching a newscast about their former case.**

"**Haven't you guys seen enough of this already" Sara said as she sat down.**

"**Yea it was already on when we got here, you would think they would find something else to talk about," Nick replied.**

**Just then they all looked up as Grissom entered the break room. "Nick, DB near the Tangiers. Sofia will meat you there. Call Sara if you need back up but for now your on your own." Grissom handed him the slip of paper as Nick got up to go get his kit. "Alright, a solo" he said as he exited the room.**

"**Nothing for me boss," Sara said to Grissom as she sipped her coffee. Hodges rolled his eyes as he headed for the AV lab to talk to Archie. When was she going to get over him, he wondered to himself.**

**Grissom eyed Hodges as he left, then looked back at Sara. "You, my dear, need to catch up on some much needed sleep. Unless Nick calls or something else comes in, your on stand by."**

"**May I ask what your going to be working on," she asked him as she give him a small grin. "A little paperwork and a meeting with Ecklie" he replied.**

"**Sounds fun. I have some paper work of my own." Sara got up to head to her locker. She stopped in the door way and turned back to see Grissom still looking at her, "See ya when I see ya," she said with a smile as she walked out of sight.**

"**Yea" Grissom replied. She knew how to work him and leave him wanting more whether it was in the bedroom or in the break room. Just the small grin and twitch of her brow that no one else thought twice about made him stir as he took a deep breath and poured another cup of coffee. **

**Sara grabbed some paperwork and sat down at the table in the break room to get started. About fifteen minutes later her phone went off.**

"**Sidle" she said without looking at the id. "Hey, its Nick. I got a pretty big crime scene and a lot of media to deal with. You still free?" he asked.**

"**Be there in a few. Just let me tell Grissom and grab my kit." she told him as she shut her phone. She walked to his office and waited until he hung up the phone to speak.**

"**Nick called. He needs me to help process so I'm gonna take off." she told him as she leaned against the door frame.**

"**I can go if your too tired" he offered. "And miss your meeting with Ecklie, don't worry I got it" she said sarcastically as she turned to go.**

"**Be safe" he called after her. "Always" she replied as she threw her hand up without turning around.**

**-----**

"**Vic is wrapped in a blanket like you would wrap an infant. White female approximately 5'8", dark hair and eyes, wearing pajamas like she was going to bed," Nick rattled off as Sara walked up to the scene.**

"**Or being put to bed," Sofia added then continued "No ID yet but she has got to be early to mid 30s, no defensive wounds that we can see. This killer is neat. Don't have a COD yet. Looks like we are going to have to wait and see what Doc has to say." **

**They walked towards the body careful not to step on any potential evidence. "Who tipped off the circus?" Sara asked as she eyed the media vans and reporters on the other side of the crime tape. **

"**We are still trying to figure that out," Sofia said as she stopped at the body of the dead girl.**

**Sara almost stumbled as she looked down at the girl. She was, like Nick said, wrapped in a blanket laid in the bushes almost like they were being used as a bed. Everything about the girl reminded Sara of herself. Same height, build, hair, eyes, bone structure. **

**Sara was trying to find her breath again when Nick spoke up. "You gonna be okay Sara?" She couldn't take her eyes off the girl, "Its…like looking in a mirror"**

"**Yea I know, I can call Warrick or Catherine if you had rather…" "No" she interrupted him, "I…I'm fine." she said as she pulled her eyes away and looked to Sofia. "Anything else before we start processing?"**

"**There was a note found tucked right in the inside of the blanket." Sofia held out the evidence bag with the note. Sara read the neatly scripted words. She felt her head get light and took some deep breaths to try to keep Nick and Sofia from noticing. The note read ****Daddy cant hurt her anymore. **

"**You okay Sara?" Nick said as she turned away. "Fine," she lied as she grabbed her kit. "Lets get to work, I'm already running on empty."**

**Nick and Sofia looked at each other and shrugged it off as Sara's lack of sleep. They all got busy. Nick and Sara processed the scene while Sofia questioned some bystanders and tried to keep the media at bay. **

**David came and left still unable to give a COD although TOD was determined to be three to four hours ago which was between 6 and 7 that night. The body had been placed at the scene, she did not die there. **

**Sara could feel the cameras watching them as they worked. She tried to keep her mind on her job instead of the close resemblance of herself and the dead girl; not only in their looks but apparently in their past as well. **

**After they were done collecting all the evidence they could find and the body had been transported back to the morgue, Nick and Sara returned to the lab and got ready for the autopsy. Sara desperately wanted to find a way out of attending the autopsy but the lack of evidence kept her from being able to stay behind to process it. They were going to have to rely on the body and hope the killer left enough evidence behind on it to at least give them some idea of where to begin their investigation. **

"**Hey Sar you ready," Nick said as he popped his head in the locker room.**

"**Uh…yea" she closed her locker and met him at the door, "lets get it done."**

**As they walked in the morgue Doc Robbins was getting set to begin. As he uncovered the body he glanced up at Sara and she immediately felt the heat rise to her face. She took a breath and stepped up to the table… "we going to get started or stand here and compare faces all day?"**

**With that the Doc started examining the body. It was a slow process and when he got to the lower left side of the neck he noted a small puncture wound consistent with a needle. "She may have been drugged or possibly poisoned. We will have to wait on tox to confirm," he told them as he pointed to the needle mark. **

"**Speaking of, I think I am going to hurry them up on the tox screen. Doc, can you get a full body scan before you cut? Victim may have been abused at some point." Sara left before anyone could respond. **

**She leaned on the wall in the elevator on the way back to the lab. She was physically and mentally exhausted but this new case was already beginning to eat at her. Her stomach was nauseas as she thought about the similarity of her and the girl laying on the slab in the morgue. Not only were they mere images of each other, Sara was pretty sure she knew what the note meant. She prayed she was wrong.**

**Sara spotted Hodges as soon as she entered the lab. "Hey you get anything from the toxicology report off mine and Nicks Jane Doe?"**

"**It's processing now, I can't make it go any faster than it is. I am only one man with the work of many," Hodges complained.**

**Sara kept walking towards the break room, "Page me when it's done."**

**Grissom walked out of his office and seen Sara as she entered the break room. He walked in to find her grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. "How's your case going?"**

**She turned around slightly startled. Her stomach kept rolling around and she grabbed a chair to sit down before her legs give way. Grissom hurried over to her, "Sara are you feeling okay? You look a little pale. You should eat." He laid the back of his head against her forehead and noted she felt a little warm.**

"**No I'm not hungry" she took a small drink of water trying to calm her stomach. "Nick is in autopsy now. I came back to see make sure Hodges started on the tox screen. We think she may have been drugged." **

**Grissom looked around to make sure they were alone. He then knelt down and took her hand, "Honey you need to get some rest. You're running on about four hours sleep in the last two days. Go home, I can help Nick finish up."**

**Sara shook her head, "I'm fine, just needed a break before I got started on the blanket she was wrapped in."**

**Grissom shook his head in defeat. Why did she insist on being so stubborn. He decided to let her go ahead, with his supervision of course. "I will help you then. Let's get started."**

"**I don't need a baby sitter Griss, go to your meeting" she said as she stood and tested out her shaky legs.**

"**It got pushed back to in the morning. Ecklie isn't much on keeping our hours. Sara are you sure you are okay?" he asked as he noted how slowly she stood.**

"**Look, you can help me if you will stop asking me that." she said as she stood still to let the wave of dizziness pass. Maybe she really did need some rest but there was no way she was giving in now. **

**Grissom stayed behind her and watched her closely as they made their way to the lay out room. The blanket and pictures were bagged up on the shelf waiting. Sara retrieved both and grimaced inside as she looked at the pictures, knowing Grissom would put it together quickly and chalk her odd behavior up to her getting to involved. Sara, however, did not believe that was the case here. She just simply wasn't feeling well.**

"**O my," said Grissom as he looked at the pictures then the note. "Sara, are you going to be able to work this objectively…" he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.**

**She looked at him and he immediately knew he had offended her. "Look Grissom, if you think you need to take over or pull me off the case, by all means," she threw her hands up, "but I would appreciate it if you would back the hell off and let me do my job."**

**She figured he would for sure pull her from the case now. She didn't mean to blow up like that but the lack of sleep was really beginning to get to her. **

"**Why don't you take a couple hours in the crib and I will wake you as soon as I'm done here. I am not pulling you, yet, but if you don't get some rest I will." Grissom said as her boss. Then he gave her a concerned look, "There is some Tylenol in the top drawer of my desk, why don't you take some you felt a little warm."**

**She threw one hand up as she turned around to leave the room. "Whatever" she said shaking her head. He watched her as she headed down the hall to the room that held the two sets of bunk beds that everyone called the crib. **

**As Sara laid down she took in several deep breaths to try and calm her stomach. She hadn't eaten in several hours but the thought of food made her stomach turn over again. Her head pounded and her eyes burned from lack of sleep. She checked her watch. 1:15 am. She would set the alarm in the room for 3. She knew she needed sleep and quite frankly knew if she wanted to remain on the case, she better listen to her boss.**

**----**

**Grissom processed the blanket and the note and looked closely at all the pictures. There were no fingerprints anywhere. There were a few hairs that looked to belong to victim and a few fibers that he would get to trace but other than that they were running on nothing. He hoped Doc got more off the body. He was still waiting on Nick to get back when he decided to check on Sara.**

**He walked in to the dim room to find her lightly snoring. She must have been very tired because she rarely made the funny little noise she was making now. He knelt down and brushed his hand across her cheek. Still warm. She must not have taken the Tylenol. **

**He then noticed the alarm being on. He pushed the button to see it was set for 3 am. He switched off the alarm. She would be angry but maybe she would be a little more rested. He stood to leave as he heard Nicks voice talking to Hodges down the hall. **

**He quietly pulled the door shut and left Sara to sleep until he found out more about the case.**

**Nick spotted Grissom as soon as he looked down the hall. "Hey boss, you seen Sara. She was suppose to be processing the evidence on the new Jane Doe case."**

"**She is in the crib getting a little sleep." Nick looked at Grissom funny, "I made her," Grissom added, "You get anything off the body?"**

"**Yea, Doc thinks she may have been abused as a child. She has a lot of very old scars and you can see some old breaks on her bones in her wrists, arms, and shoulders that would be consistent with someone picking her up and slinging her around," Nick told him as he made the motions with his own arm.**

"**That would explain the note about the victims father if he was the one abusing her. Any new scars?" Grissom asked.**

"**Yea her wrists and ankles were bound and she was gagged. Other than that the body is clean. We are still waiting on tox for a cause of death," Nick replied.**

"**I got some hairs that match the victim and a few fibers that Hodges is analyzing now off the blanket. No prints on anything. Looks like we are running into a dead end until the tests come back," Grissom told Nick and went to talk with Hodges. Nick followed.**

"**Tox just came back," Hodges said as they walked in. He handed the results to Grissom.**

"**This is the same cocktail they use for the inmates on death row. That's interesting. Where are we on an ID?" Grissom turned to Nick.**

"**I am heading to missing persons now. I was coming by here to get Sara, I figured she'd want to go." Nick said**

"**Let her sleep," Grissom said as he turned around and almost run into Sara.**

"**I'll ride along. Someone screwed with my alarm," she eyed Grissom and turned to Nick. "Let's go."**

**Nick looked at the two then shrugged, "K, see ya when we get back."**

**Grissom shook his head to his self. This case was going to get to her and there was no preventing it.**

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Author's notes

**Okay there is chapter one. Please read and review! Hopefully I can keep the updates coming but I have an 8 month old that requires a lot of attention so we will see how that goes!**


	2. Chapter 2

Here is Chapter 2...read and review...I take criticism as well as praise! Please tell me what you are thinking!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of CSI

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Chapter 2

Sara and Nick returned from missing persons an hour later. Grissom seen them and motioned them into his office.

"We got one hit filed by a bank downtown. A Sandra Shepler has missed work for four days. They filed a report after the second day when they couldn't reach her at home or on her cell. They sent someone out to her residence and got no answer. We are going to check out the house now," Nick informed him.

Grissom glanced at Sara and noticed how pale she looked. "I will ride along. I am tired of paper work and am not scheduled to see Ecklie until 8 o'clock."

"Okay boss, we were just going to grab our kits," Nick said as he turned to go.

"Sara can I see you a minute?" Grissom asked.

Sara stepped in and closed the door. "What is it Griss?" She really didn't feel like arguing right now.

"How are you feeling. I think you may be coming down with something," he said as he took the Tylenol out of his desk and took two out of the bottle. "When is the last time you ate?"

Sara grimaced at the mention of food. It was just slightly but Grissom still caught it.

"You know Sara, if you would try to eat something you would probably feel better." he said.

"Yea or feel more sick, can we just go process the house. I will eat when we are done." she said as she started to leave.

"Look, take this Tylenol and here are some crackers. Maybe they will settle your stomach until we can get some real food," he handed her the pills and the crackers he kept for himself when he had headaches.

Sara took them both and went to the break room to get some water. She reluctantly ate a few crackers, swallowed the pills and drank about half the bottle. She continued to feel nauseas but pushed it aside and went to meet the guys. 'Just a little while longer and I can curl up in bed and sleep this off' she told herself.

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They pulled in the house around 5:30 in the morning. There were no lights inside or out. As they walked up the front steps they heard a dog barking on the other side of the door. Grissom knocked and identified them just as Sofia walked up to join them.

"Been a long night. Since when does it take three of you guys to check out a house?" Sofia asked glancing at Grissom.

"I was finished with my paperwork and we have no new cases, so I decided to ride along." he answered.

Grissom knocked again and then told Sofia to call for a warrant. Thirty minutes later they were walking through the living room of the house to find that there was definitely a struggle at some point. There were lamps and tables knocked over, pictures broken on the floor, and a glass of milk knocked over on the couch.

Grissom could not ignore the one picture on the entertainment center of the victim with her dog. Sandra Shepler favored Sara in every way possible. Even the cut of their hair looked the same. He knew Sara was already having a hard time with the case. He kept a close eye on her as she looked for prints on all the surfaces in the living room.

"The killer must have wiped down everything in here because I am coming up empty everywhere. No prints on the tables, entertainment center, not even on the glass of milk. This guy is good." Sara said as she worked.

Nick came back from the kitchen where he had been processing, "I got the same thing as Sara, nothing. She was a health freak though. A lot of fruit and veggies in the fridge along with milk and several different juices. No soda or junk food anywhere. Also no meat. I found folic acid in the pantry along with prenatal vitamins. She wasn't pregnant though or Doc Robbins would have known."

"Maybe she was trying. That means there is a boyfriend out there somewhere. Maybe they work together at the bank. We need to get over there and check it out as soon as they open." Sara said as she knelt down to inspect something on the carpet.

"I may have some blood…hand me a swab would you?" she asked Grissom.

Sara looked up at the others as the swab turned red. She sealed it and handed it back to Grissom. When she stood a wave of dizziness and nausea hit her like a ton of bricks and she almost went back down. Grissom was at her side in an instant.

Sara put her hand over her mouth and pointed for the door. Grissom and Nick both led her out as Sofia watched and followed. When they got her out the door she shook them off and made her way to the other side of the street where she finally lost it. She threw up the crackers and the water and more than likely the Tylenol Grissom had made her take.

She heard footsteps behind her and knew it was Grissom. "I feel much better now," she said before he had time to talk.

"I don't care, your going home to eat a decent meal and get some sleep. I am sending Nick and Sofia to the bank where Ms. Shepler works and I am taking you home so don't try and argue. I will call Catherine and have her come in and I will stay with you," Grissom told her in his non debatable voice.

Before she could protest he was on his phone with Catherine. He then lead her to the Denali and helped her in the passenger side. They rode in silence and when he pulled into the diner Sara felt her stomach object profusely.

"Griss I really don't think I can eat," she said as she rested her head against the back of the seat and tried to breath deep to calm her stomach.

"Sara you look famished and you are pale as a ghost. Can you at least try for me…please," he begged.

"Just…give me a minute," she kept taking deep breaths and finally reached for the handle and got out of the car.

He met her on her side and lead her into the diner. She swallowed several times to keep her insides from trying to come out as they were seated in their usual booth.

"Grissom, what about your meeting?" Sara said as she realized at was nearly 7:45.

"I am going to reschedule," he replied as he took out his phone.

Sara ordered some soup and a water and Grissom ordered the same in case this was something contagious.

"He wasn't too happy but we rescheduled for 6 tonight," he said as he closed his phone.

The waitress brought their soup and Sara done everything she could to force it down. She still felt very sick but convinced herself that if she could just get home she may could sleep it off.

However, as soon as they entered the townhouse she found herself rushing to the bathroom to empty the soup and water back into the toilet. She wretched for several minutes with Grissom standing behind her with a wet cloth.

When she was finally done he knelt beside her and wiped her face gently with the cold cloth.

"I am going to call and see if I can get you into the doctor this afternoon," he told her.

She immediately shook her head, "Griss its just from lack of sleep and stress. You know that and so do I. Just let me sleep for a while and I will be fine."

After a long pause Grissom shook his head, "Okay Sara, but if you still feel bad when you wake, we are getting you an appointment and that's final."

They both went to the bedroom and changed clothes. Grissom laid down behind Sara and pulled her to his body. They both fell asleep instantly and did not stir until Grissom's phone rang a few hours later.

He grabbed and silenced it before it woke her. He then slid out of the bed and waited until he was out of the bedroom to answer.

"Grissom," he said into the phone. "Gil, its Catherine. Sandra Shepler's boyfriend is who reported her missing. He said they had just decided to have a baby and that is why all of the vitamins were in her house. He was suppose to move in at the end of this week."

"Have you ran the blood we found at the house yet?" he asked.

"Yes, it matches the victim. We have nothing but the fibers you found on the blanket and Hodges thinks they belong to some type of cotton jacket. He says find him the jacket and he can match it." she told him.

"Okay, I want you to have Sofia track down the parents…" Grissom started but was interrupted by Catherine.

"She already has. The vic's father is in prison and her mother is dead. Get this Gil, her father is on death row scheduled for next week. Do you think that has anything to do with any of this?" she asked.

"It very possibly could, keep digging. Find out exactly what the father done. I will be in at six. Call if you need me before then," Grissom said as he closed his phone.

Just then he heard Sara scream from the bed. He was afraid this would happen. He rushed to her and pulled her into his arms. She fought him for a minute then she opened her eyes and tears started rushing down her face. She leaned into him for support while she let herself cry. He held her and rocked back and forth trying to sooth her the best he could.

"I'm sorry," she finally said as she pulled away and swiped at her eyes.

"Honey you have no reason to be sorry. What was it about this time?" he asked sympathetically.

"It was all mixed up. Crazy really. My father and Sandra Shepler and then my mother was there. I don't really remember a lot except that I was terrified, hence the screaming," she admitted.

She usually was more bottled up with her dreams but today she let him in for some reason that she didn't even know.

"O God," Sara said as she put her hand over her mouth and bolted for the bathroom. Grissom grabbed his phone and followed. He fully intended to keep his promise about the doctor.

She wretched over the toilet for a few minutes mostly dry heaving. Grissom again was there with the cool wet cloth. Sara's stomach was cramped up from all of the muscles violently contracting. She got up and brushed her teeth and made her way back to the bed. She was asleep within minutes and Grissom walked into the living room to make the call.

"Yes, may I speak with Dr. Floyds office?" he was transferred and the bubbly voice of the receptionist answered, "Dr. Floyds office, how may I help you?"

"Yes I need to make an appointment," he said.

"What is the name sir?" she asked

"It's for a Ms. Sara Sidle, age 33."

"What are her symptoms?" she said

"She is sick to her stomach, running a low grade fever, she is very pale, and she gets dizzy which could be from lack of sleep." he told her.

"Okay sir, the earliest we can get her in is tomorrow afternoon at 3:30," the woman said. "If she needs to cancel please call at least two hours ahead of time so we can fill the spot."

"Thank you, we will be there," he said as he closed his phone.

Three hours later Sara woke up feeling much better. She was more energized and feeling slightly hungry. She walked into the kitchen to the smell of coffee.

"Mm that smells good," she said as Grissom looked up from his book.

"Glad to see your feeling better, I made you an appointment for tomorrow at 3:30," he told her.

"If I keep feeling like this you are cancelling it tomorrow morning." she replied with a smile.

"That's fair," he agreed.

"Anyone call about the case?" she asked

He updated her on what Catherine had told him. He noticed how she tensed when he told her about the victims father.

"Sara, you do not have to work this case. I really think it would be best if you would let us handle it." he pleaded with her.

"I can handle it Grissom. I need to see this through. I will let you know if it gets to be too much. Now I need to shower and get ready for work. Will you do me a favor and make some toast in about ten minutes. I am hungry but I don't want to get carried away in case it all comes back," she kissed him as she headed for the bathroom.

As Sara toweled off after her shower and reached into the cabinet to get a q tip she caught a glimpse of a little white box that she should have needed over a week ago. Her heart hit the floor and her stomach started its rebellion all over again. She felt her knees give way as she sunk to the floor with her back against the wall. This could not be happening.

She lowered her head in her hands and started to cry silently. Grissom would die. There were a thousand questions running through her head at one time. There was one that stuck out though. What was going to happen to them?

"Gil" she said in a weak voice. "Gil," she tried a little bit louder.

A few seconds later he was standing in the doorway looking at her sitting on the floor with only her towel wrapped around her. He rushed to her side, "Sara what is it? What's wrong?..Talk to me" he pleaded.

He followed her stare to the white box and it all immediately fell into place. He dropped his head and wrapped his arms around her. He knew this has always been one of her biggest fears.

"Almost two weeks Gil, almost two weeks and I am just now noticing." she cried

"We have been to wrapped up in cases to even remember what day it is. Have you missed pills?" he asked.

She slowly shook her head. She always kept her pills at work in case they got stuck there. "No, not one."

She continued to cry and he continued to hold her, "It's going to be okay Sara. People do this every day. We are going to be fine." he promised.

"How can you say that Gil. No one has the slightest clue about us and after this there is no hiding it any more. What will Ecklie do to us." her sobs started getting harder.

"Sara, I don't care about any of that right now. We will worry with it when the time comes. Right now we will just concentrate on getting through this one day at a time. Right now we have to get ready to go in." He took her chin in his hand and pulled her face up where she was looking him in the eyes, "We are going to be fine," he said strongly this time.

She continued to cry as he stood and pulled her up to him. "What are you so afraid of Sara? We can do this."

She shook her head, "This terrifies me. It always has. I just assumed you would never want kids so I stopped wondering about it and now we are faced with this. What are we going to do?" she could not stop her sobs.

"You aren't saying…you are not thinking about…aborting?" he could barely bring his self to say the word.

"I could never do that…its not…what you…" she trailed off not making eye contact.

"Never, Sara I have never thought about this happening and am just as unprepared as you but I have always said if ever faced with this decision, I would take responsibility. It is not the child's fault and we knew the risks before we started this. I have never thought about having kids but since I am now faced with this I am so glad that its you I will share it with."

It took a while but finally Sara got her emotions under control. She decided she would just deny all of this until a Dr confirmed it. She could not bring herself to eat the toast because her stomach was now back in overdrive. Grissom had refused to allow her coffee, promising to stop for some decaf so no one at the office would think any different.

It was going to be a long shift and Sara knew that if she let anything get to her Grissom would pull her off the case before he could even question her about it.

-------

"Hey girl, you're looking a little pale. You feeling okay?" Catherine said as Sara entered the lab.

"She is sick," Nick said, "What are you even doing here?"

"I was feeling a lot better, thanks for asking. Now I'm not so sure. Just keep your food away from me," Sara told Nick as he took a bite of a sandwich.

"Have you seen a Dr?" Catherine asked.

"I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, but if I'm better I am cancelling." Sara lied.

Just then Grissom entered, "You feeling better?" he asked Sara as if he hadn't seen her all day.

"So far so good," she replied.

"Good, lets get started then," Grissom said as the team gathered to hear their assignments for the night.

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Author's notes

Okay read and review if you want updates!!!


	3. Chapter 3

I know I have posted three chapters in a row but I already had them pretty much written...after this the updates my slow down a little but you keep reviewing and I will do my best to update as quickly as I can!! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of CSI

Chapter 3

The team gathered in the break room to update on the case and get their new assignments.

"Catherine, have you found anything new since I talked to you earlier?" Grissom asked

"Yes, the victims father, Mark Shepler, is in jail on death row for the brutal attack and murder of his wife and son. Sandra escaped by hiding in the closet during the attack. Mr. Shepler has shown no remorse, in fact he admitted that if he had known Sandra was home he would have killed her to." Catherine said.

"How did he kill them?" Sara asked as she sat down. She could feel her head spinning but kept it under control enough that no one noticed…except probably Grissom that is.

"He stabbed them to death after tying them to the kitchen chairs and beating them for over four hours. He said he told her that she should be home in time to have dinner prepared when he came in from work but instead she thought her son's baseball game was more important…he was five…it was his first T ball game," Catherine paused unable to go on.

Sara shook her head as memories flooded through it. She could remember her own father beating her mother if she didn't come home in time for dinner or if it was prepared to early and was cold by the time he came in. Sara would also hide in the closet until it was quiet and then crawl in her bed and hide under the covers knowing if she got caught out of bed after 8 o'clock she would get it too.

"Five years old…this guy is pathetic." Nick said.

"Sandra was 12 years old at the time. She found her mother and brother the next morning after her father went to work." Catherine added

"He just left them there in plain sight?" Sara asked quietly

"Yea, like I said, no remorse. Sandra called her aunt who lived across town and her aunt called the police. They arrested Shepler that day. He was more pissed about finding out Sandra was home and not getting to her than he was about getting caught," Catherine said.

"Have you talked to Sofia to find out how she wants to proceed?" Grissom asked Catherine and Nick

"Yea she is going to the prison to talk with Shepler and try and find out if he knows anyone that could have wanted Sandra dead. I doubt he will be much help," Nick said.

"Okay Nick, you have pulled a double, go home and get some rest and I will see you back here your next shift unless you hear from me before then," Grissom said.

"Someone needs to go with Sofia," Nick added

"I can go," Sara offered

"Not in your condition your not. Catherine, you okay to accompany Sofia to the prison? After that if you need some sleep you can go home for a while." Grissom asked

"Yea…that's fine" Catherine answered.

-----

Sara walked out of the break room and down to the locker room. Just before she went in the door Judy called her name.

"Here you go, someone left this on my desk for you," Judy smile as she handed Sara the envelope with her name on it.

"Thanks Judy," Sara said as she took the envelope that was still sealed.

Sara turned as Grissom called her name at the end of the hall. She rolled her eyes as she followed him into his office.

He shut the door behind her as she turned to face him, "Look Gil, if your going to pull me off the damn case just get it over with."

"Sara…I just didn't want you in that prison. You never know what can happen in there." he said concerned.

She laughed sarcastically, "So you send Catherine instead."

"She is not sick, you are at the moment," he replied.

"I'm not sick…I'm pregnant," she said quietly. That was the first time she had actually admitted it to herself. It sent a wave of shock through her system.

"What do you have there?" Grissom asked trying to change the subject and maybe lighten the mood a little. He knew she was having a very hard time with everything right now.

Sara looked down at the envelope, "Don't know, Judy just handed it to me," she said as she started to tear open the envelope.

"Sara, wait," he grabbed her hand to still them. "The writing," was all he could say as he took a pair of gloves off his desk.

She looked down, seeing her name written there for the first time. Shit, why didn't she catch that. Her name was written in what could be the same print as the note found on Sandra Shepler's body…_Sara Sidle_

Grissom took the envelope as he handed her another pair of gloves. He walked out to the layout room with her following him. He carefully dusted the outside for prints. There were a few that looked to small to be a man's.

"Probably yours and Judy's" Grissom said as he carefully tore open the rest of the envelope and took the note out.

Sara was looking over his shoulder as he read it…_Do I have your attention now?_ was all it said.

Sara felt her knees give way. She grabbed Grissom's shoulder for support as she looked to find a chair. He helped her sit and then returned to the table and dusted the note.

"No prints, on the note itself. Sara, do you know what this means?" he asked hesitantly

She was ghost white as she replied, "Yea…I'm off the case…" she trailed off as she looked at Grissom with tears in her eyes.

He knelt at her side and took her hands in his not bothering to look around for anyone watching. "Does Judy know who dropped this off?"

"I…didn't ask…I don't know…why…" she shook her head to try and clear it.

"Sshhh, we will figure this out. The camera's had to have caught something. Are you okay here while I go check with Judy and have Archie pull the tapes?" he asked

"Just go…and Gil, can we…keep this between us…for now?" she asked with pleading eyes.

"For now, don't move" he said as he quickly made his way out to talk to Judy.

Sara sat there with a million things running to her head. Then it all fell into place. Sandra Shepler had the same initials as her, her father, Mark Shepler, had the same as her own father. Sara's mother stabbed her father to death, and Sandra's father stabbed her mother to death. They were both vegetarians and, "O my" Sara said out loud as she thought about the prenatal vitamins in the victims apartment. Just then Greg entered the room.

"Hey Sar, how's it…" he trailed off as he looked at her… "you don't look so good."

Grissom walked back in to see Sara grab the trash can next to her chair and heave into it. He rushed to her and sent Greg to get a wet towel. "Sara, honey, you going to be okay?"

She shook her head no as she held her stomach that was hurting from the dry heaves that she couldn't get to stop. She finally sat up as Greg walked back in with the towel.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked as he handed the towel to Grissom who gently put it to Sara's forehead.

"Greg, give us a minute," he ordered.

"Judy was gone to the bathroom and when she returned to her desk the envelope was there. She didn't see anyone around so she just assumed someone who worked here dropped it off. Archie is pulling the tapes from the cameras now." Grissom updated her.

"Griss, think about all the evidence in the case. The initials of the victim and her father. The way her father murdered her mother, the vegetarianism, the…vitamins" she glanced around to make sure no one was in hearing distance.

"Sara do you think he could have known? You didn't even know until today…" he said quietly.

She silently rose and walked toward the locker room with Grissom right behind her. She entered seeing Greg at his locker changing his shirt but didn't even acknowledge him. He looked at her funny as she walked by without a word. Grissom was following her and shook his head at Greg before he could speak. "Not now," Grissom whispered.

Sara opened her locker, grabbed her pills, and opened the case examining them closely. She took a seat on the bench in between the lockers, oblivious to Greg's prying eyes.

Grissom, however, was not. "Greg, out" was all he said.

Greg closed his locker which caused Sara to jump, bringing her back to the present. She hid her pills until Greg exited the room. However, Greg didn't go far. He paused on the other side of the door to finish buttoning his shirt.

"Have they been tampered with?" he heard Grissom ask.

"Not that I can see," Sara replied

"We need to get them to trace, find out for sure," Grissom told her

"Grissom, I'm not ready for…" she trailed off

"I will handle it personally" he promised

"Griss, does this mean my entire past is going to be involved in this case?" she asked with a hint of emotion

"I think that is what our killer wants and clearly, I don't see any way around it. I am afraid this guy is fixated on you which means you need to be very careful and observant. Hopefully Archie will find something." Grissom held his hand out and she handed him the pills.

Greg scrambled off when he heard them walking towards the door wondering what the hell they were talking about.

Grissom sent Sara to his office to lay down on the sofa. He found Greg and sent him to the diner to get them something to eat. He really just wanted to get Sara something but he told Greg to take orders from everyone so it didn't look suspicious.

As soon as Greg left Grissom went and sent Hodges on a break. Then he took the pills out and processed one to find out if they had been tampered with or not. While he was waiting for the printout, he went to check on Sara.

He found her sitting with her knees pulled up to her stomach and her arms wrapped around them silently crying in the dark.

"Honey, you need to try and rest." he told her as he took a seat beside her.

"Every time I close my eyes I see him hitting her. I see her grab the knife and…" she stopped and quietly sobbed.

"Let it out…talk to me, you will feel better," Grissom said as he took her hand.

She gripped his hand and then let it go, "someone could see us" she whispered

"I don't care" he replied

"I do,.. I can't…take anymore right now," she said as more tears fell.

Grissom reached up and closed the blinds then he pulled Sara to him and wrapped his arms around her. She tensed for a moment then gave in. She needed him so badly right now. She was so tired and physically exhausted. Her whole body ached.

She let herself cry in his arms. She cried for her mother and father, for the abuse she endured as a child both physically and verbally, for the new victim who probably had a childhood very similar to her own, for the victim's mother and little brother, and for the baby she herself was carrying that she could not bare to even think about yet.

Grissom just held her and rocked back and forth. Finally she pulled back and looked into his eyes. He could tell the tears had helped. He knew she still needed to talk it out but decided to give her space and let her do it in her own time.

"Thank you," she whispered as he leaned down and kiss her lightly on the lips.

"Anytime, Ms. Sidle," he smiled. "Now, rest while I go check something."

She knew where he was going but was thankful he didn't say it out loud. She lay back and closed her eyes and after a few minutes, sleep finally came.

-----

Grissom took the printout and looked at the results. He found what he already suspected. Sugar pills, with food coloring to make them match the color of the original pills.

He made his way back to her locker to see if there were more pills in there. He found a bag with the next few months worth of pills in it. He took them to the layout room and, after making sure he was alone, took a packet out and began to inspect it. They all looked the same as the pills he just finished analyzing.

He took a few different pill samples from the packet and went to repeat the test on them. Hodges was back so he discretely performed the test and when Hodges offered to help Grissom politely declined.

"Don't let me hold you up David. Please continue your work." Grissom told him. He knew Hodges was still trying to watch him so Grissom just kept his back to him until he finally gave up and went back to work.

After fifteen minutes Grissom took the printout and the pill samples and anything else that would have allowed Hodges to repeat the process and find out what Grissom was testing.

When he entered the layout and seen Greg coming down the hall he discreetly packed up the pills and sat in the chair to read his results. The only pills that had been tampered with were the ones Sara was on now and he suspected the month before but she had already disposed of the packet so he could not find out for sure. He would need to take a blood sample to make sure there were no traces of the pills in her system and he would go ahead and run the necessary test to confirm the pregnancy.

"Where's Sara," Greg asked as he put down a few to go boxes.

About that time Hodges and Wendy walked in. "Thanks Greg," Wendy said as she took the box with her name on it.

"No problem. Here is yours Hodges," Greg handed him a box. He then grabbed the one with Sara's name. "You want me to take this to her?" Greg looked at Grissom.

"She is sleeping now. She can eat it when she wakes." Grissom said as he turned to go.

"Wow, if I was sleeping on the job…" Greg started but was interrupted by Grissom, "She is sick Greg. She shouldn't even be here."

"Point taken," Greg said as he opened his own box. "Aren't you going to eat Griss?"

"In a minute, I am going to look in on Sara first," Grissom said as he turned and walked out the door.

"There is something going on with this case that they are both hiding," Greg stated to no one in particular.

"I agree," Hodges said, "usually Grissom tells me what he is working on when he is in my lab. Today he done everything he could to keep me from finding out."

Wendy rolled her eyes at Hodges, "Probably because he is sick of you being a nosy little kiss ass."

------

Grissom seen Catherine enter the lab and he made his way to her. He wanted to just break down and tell her everything so he would have some help on keeping Sara safe but he knew Sara would be very upset. It was going to have to come out soon though. They had to find this guy.

"Back so soon?" he said to Catherine as she walked up to him

"Yea, he didn't have much to say. Just that the 'little bitch finally got what she deserved'" Catherine said using her fingers to make little quotation marks.

"He is a real piece of work Gil, probably a sociopath. If he wasn't in jail I would swear he is our killer." she scoffed.

"To bad he has a good alibi. There is some food in the break room. You can have some out of the box with my name on it. I am going to check on Sara. She's still not feeling well." Grissom said as he turned to go.

"Why don't you just send her home. We can handle this for tonight" Catherine insisted.

"I don't think she needs to be alone. She can just sleep here" he told her.

When Grissom cracked the door to his office he could see Sara starting to stir. He walked in and closed the door, still able to see in the dim light coming from the pulled the shades.

"How long was I out?" Sara asked sleepily.

"Just over an hour. How do you feel?" he asked as he laid his hand across her forehead.

"Better, I think" she sat up slowly.

"Greg brought you some more soup. You need to try and eat"

"Ugh, I don't know if that's a great idea," she grimaced at the thought of food.

"Sara you have to try" he pleaded. "Its been nearly least two days since you were able to hold anything down."

Sara stood and could feel how weak her body had became. She knew Grissom was right. She had to try and keep something down.

"Do you want to go to the break room or would you like me to bring it in here?" Grissom asked

"Here, I don't want to look at anyone else right now." Sara said quietly

"Honey, we need to talk with Catherine. We have to let someone in on this," Grissom said holding up the note that had been on his desk.

"What about…" Sara trailed off as she looked to her stomach

"We may not have to tell her that yet but we can't hide it forever. Catherine is a good friend and I trust her completely. She will back us up and then you could even report to her and it could keep us out of trouble down the line…" Grissom told her

Sara sat back on the sofa. Her head was spinning again. Not only was her past about to be exposed, her whole life was about to be laid in front of Catherine with a simple 'please don't tell' being the only thing between keeping her sanity and her whole world falling apart. She wasn't sure how much she could handle.

"I just…can we just…start with the case…please Gil?" she begged.

"Okay, we will see how you do when we fill her in, but we can't wait much longer. Your safety could be at risk" Grissom said as he turned to get Catherine and Sara's food from the break room.

Author's notes:

Well…there is chapter 3...Please read and review!!! I will do my best to get chapter 4 up within the next 24 hours but you have to review first!!!


	4. Chapter 4

First of all thank you for the reviews so far! I am really glad that you all like the story and I hope that you can all stay interested as it progresses along. Sorry this chapter isn't quite as long as the others but if I didn't cut it off where it is, I don't know when I would have stopped!

Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI.

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Chapter 4

Grissom walked towards the break room and he could hear his team discussing the case. His and Sara's world was about to be turned upside down but he didn't know what else to do. He had to tell someone and Catherine was his best bet. She would help him work the case discreetly and only let the others in on what they had to know.

He knew he had to be careful about how he went about everything. He knew Sara was in a very fragile state which was new territory for him. She had always been so strong and independent and now she seemed broken. She had shed more tears in the last 24 hours than he has seen her shed in the last seven years.

Grissom walked in the break room and grabbed Sara's food. "Catherine, can I see you in my office?" He turned and walked out without another word.

"Uh O, What did you do?" Greg asked

"Nothing…that I know of" Catherine said as she slowly got up to follow after Grissom.

------

Catherine entered Grissom's office slowly to see him handing a fragile looking Sara the box with soup and a salad inside. Sara looked ready to throw up at any second as she set the food on the floor at her feet.

"Sara…you look…are you okay?" Catherine didn't know what to say. She didn't understand why Sara was in Grissom's office while she was sick in the first place.

"Catherine, we need to talk…but first I need your word that you will keep this between us until I tell you otherwise," Grissom said as he offered her a seat.

"Of course Gil, you know you can trust me…what is it? Is Sara okay?" Catherine asked concerned.

"Sit down," Grissom said as he took a seat beside Sara on the sofa. He looked at her and she would not look back. She just stared at the floor.

"We think that Sandra Shepler's killer may be targeting Sara. She received a note that was dropped off at Judy's desk while she was away from it." Grissom handed Catherine the note then continued, "It is in the same writing as the note found on Shepler's body."

Grissom paused to allow Catherine to take it all in and to check to see how Sara was holding up. As he looked over at her, Sara stood on shaky legs and walked over to the corner of the room facing away from them. He knew this was because she didn't want Catherine to see the tears she now had in her eyes.

"What does this mean…I don't fully understand" Catherine looked very puzzled, "Does Sara have some kind of connection with the victim."

Grissom took a deep breath and thought 'hear comes the hard part', "Sara and the victim have the same initials, as do their fathers. Both of their fathers were abusive. Shepler's father stabbed her mother to death, Sara's mother stabbed her father to death. They were both 12 years old when they went into foster care. They both have the exact same physical descriptions and are both vegetarians. There is more, but that is a big part of it."

Catherine looked at Sara shocked. She could see her shoulders shake as she cried silently. This was the first time Catherine had witnessed Sara ever crying that she could remember. "My God…I had no idea." Catherine was at a loss for words but her mind seemed to flash to Sara always loosing her composure on domestic violence cases and now she understood why.

After a few minutes Sara returned to the couch with her emotions in check. She knew Catherine had questions and she knew she had to face them. "Look, Catherine…the last thing I want is your pity. After people find something like this out about someone, it always seems like they look at you with sorrow in their eyes. I've made it through my life just fine without that and I don't want to have to see it now."

Catherine nodded, still not really knowing what to say. "Okay…what is the rest of it? You said there was more."

Sara sat slowly on the sofa beside Grissom. He looked at her then back to Catherine, "I am not sure Sara is ready to confide that yet."

Sara looked to him and again turned ghost white. She was not ready for anyone to know about this but she also knew that Catherine could help them. Before she knew it she was holding her head in her hands violently sobbing.

Catherine and Grissom were on either side of her immediately. "What is it Sara?" Catherine said looking from her to Grissom. After Sara just let out more sobs Catherine turned back to Grissom, "Gil, what the hell is going on?"

Grissom knelt in front of Sara and took both her hands in his. He pulled them away from her face and looked her in the eyes, "I am going to fill her in…is that okay?"

Sara bit her bottom lip to keep more sobs from escaping. With tears steadily rolling down her face she nodded her head just barely enough for him to see.

Grissom sat back down beside her and kept one of her hands in his. Catherine sat back down in the chair and faced them.

"At the victims house we found some folic acid and prenatal vitamins." Grissom began again, "We later discovered Sara's birth control pills, which she keeps at work in her locker, have been tampered with."

Catherine looked very shocked, "Did you test them? What did you find? Food poison?"

Grissom shook his head "Sugar pills, he had replaced the real pills with sugar pills"

After a minute Catherine put it all together, "You're not telling me…no" she whispered. "Sara…you're pregnant?"

Sara hung her head and silently let more tears fall. She felt so ashamed.

Catherine looked at Grissom, "Who's…I didn't even know she was seeing anyone"

Grissom's face flushed a little as he rubbed Sara's hand that he still held. "She has been seeing someone for a little over two years now."

Catherine's mouth fell open, "You mean," she pointed back and forth between the two of them in shock, "You have got to be kidding me. Two years. Gil, does Ecklie know?"

Grissom's face turned to shock as he checked his watch…he was fifteen minutes late for the meeting with Ecklie that he had rescheduled three times already. "Damn, I was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago. Can you stay with Sara for a few minutes…he said he just has a few questions about last weeks case and no, he does not know about us. You are the first and only person that knows and I would like to keep it that way for now."

Catherine nodded, "I understand…you do know that you both can get into bad trouble over this, especially with Ecklie looking for any reason at all to be able to punish you…or worse?"

"Why do you think we have kept it secret this long?" Grissom said sarcastically then looked to Sara, "Sara, are you okay with Catherine while I go speak to Ecklie?"

Sara cleared her throat and tried to get control of her emotions, "I'm fine. Just…go"

He felt bad for leaving her but he had to go or Ecklie would come looking for him. "I will be back as quick as I can" he promised as he rushed out the door.

Catherine got up and sat next to Sara, "How you holding up? This has all got to be taking a toll on you."

"Yea, it's been hard but…" Sara shrugged her shoulders

"Sara, you have been strong and in control your whole life, or at least as long as I have known you. Your emotions in the next few months are going to make you feel like a whole different person so let Gil and I be there for you. How far along are you?" Catherine asked trying to make eye contact

Sara finally looked up, "I don't know, we just figured it out today. I still haven't seen a doctor though." she sniffed as she tried to hold the tears in, "Catherine, I was almost two weeks late and just noticed when I saw my tampon box under the sink today."

"It's okay," Catherine put her hand on Sara's shoulder, "We have been working a lot of overtime the last few weeks, it's very understandable. When is the last time you ate…no offense, but you look like hell."

Sara gave a small smile for her honesty, "It's…been a while" she said as she eyed the food in the floor.

Catherine took the box and put the soup in the microwave across the room. She then brought it back to Sara and handed her a plastic spoon. Sara reluctantly took it and wrinkled her nose up at the smell, "I don't know if I can…"

"You have to try. You look so weak. Just take a few bites and see how you feel" Catherine said. "Trust me, if you can hold something down, you will feel a lot better."

Sara took a small bite, trying not to smell it as she put it in her mouth. She followed with two more bites. After eating about half of the soup, she handed it to Catherine and started taking deep breaths. "I don't think this is going to work," Sara said, hating that she was so vulnerable in front of Catherine.

Catherine handed her some water, "Try this, just a few small sips"

Sara took it, willing to try anything at this point. The water seemed to help for a minute anyways. Sara sat back still taking in deep breaths.

Just then Grissom opened his office door waiving a note, "We got another body, Sofia just called. It sounds a lot like the first"

That was all it took to make Sara loose it. She bolted for the trash can and emptied the soup and water into it. She was very sore from throwing up so many times. After the retching stopped she leaned back against the wall holding her stomach. They both could tell she was in pain.

"Honey, are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you…I'm sorry," Grissom said as he knelt beside her.

Catherine made sure the door was closed and walked over to Sara, "Sara, are you cramping?"

"It's just from the vomiting" she replied in a grimace, still gripping her stomach.

"Gil, she needs to go to the hospital. I believe she is severely dehydrated which can lead to a lot of complications with the baby and with Sara. They can also confirm her condition, and make sure everything is as it should be." Catherine told them both.

"Can you call Nick and Warrick in? Nick knows the case and Warrick and Greg can help process the scene. That way you can come with us and help me." Grissom told her with a sense of urgency. He knew a lot about science and entomology but pregnancy was one thing he had no clue whatsoever on and seeing Sara like this rattled him to the core.

"Plus it won't look suspicious," Catherine agreed as she pulled out her phone and dialed Nicks number.

They then left the office and walked on either side of Sara until they got to the Denali.

Sara could feel the eyes of everyone in the lab on her and she couldn't help thinking that it was something she had better get used to.

-----

After they were on their way Sara wondered aloud, "Where did you tell them we were going?"

Catherine replied, "The truth, to get you checked out by a doctor because you are still not feeling well."

Sara rolled her eyes and sighed "I hate this. This son of a bitch is going to pay dearly if I ever get my hands on him," she said angrily.

Sara then tried to relax in her seat. She felt terrible. She was weak and still exhausted, even though she had slept a lot more than Grissom in the last few days. Her mind then wondered to the case. There was another body. She wondered if it would be the like the first. It also could be a copycat. There was a lot of press at the first scene. Some reporter could have gotten a hold of some pictures of the body, however, that was highly unlikely because they would have heard about it by now.

She thought about how the killer could know about her past. Was it someone that just knew about the abuse or someone that knew all of the details? How could this person even know her? "Foster care" she whispered to no one in particular.

"What Sara?" Grissom asked as he glanced back at her.

"I wonder if he knows me through foster care? I can't remember the last time I told anyone besides you about my past. It's been…many, many years. After I went into foster care, the therapist I was forced to see twice a week insisted that all of the kids talk about what happened to them with each other. Talking was suppose to help you deal with the pain." Sara thought back to right after entering the system.

"Did it work?" Catherine asked

"Not so much. The therapist said that in order for me to move on I had to open up and admit what had happened. I tried for a few months, but it only seemed to make the memories more vivid and the nightmares worse. I finally stopped talking about it and buried it deep inside. That is just what works best for me I guess. I wonder if someone I talked to about it is responsible for all of this." Sara stared out the window in a daze of disbelief. She was having a hard time grasping what was really happening.

Sara seemed deep in thought as Grissom sighed. "Do you recall talking to anyone in particular?"

"I have told you before, I've blocked most of the names and faces from that part of my life from my memory…I vaguely remember talking to a few of the kids that were around my age, but everyone had too many of their own problems to deal with. I remember that a lot of kids talked to me but I can't tell you one thing any of them said." Sara shook her head as she tried to remember anything that could help.

"I bet the killer also thought that Sandra Shepler was pregnant. He saw the vitamins and health food and automatically assumed what anyone else would." Catherine said as she thought about it, "Nick is suppose to call with an update as soon as he reaches the scene…"she paused to check her watch, "which should be anytime."

As if on cue, Catherine's phone rang. Sara stared out the window and prayed that she would wake up and realize this was all some horrible dream, but the constant turning of her stomach reminded her of just how real it was. She then turned to listen to Catherine's side of the conversation with Nick, and she felt her world shatter for what seemed to be the hundredth time in one day.

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Author's notes

Well there is chapter four…it is somewhat of a cliffhanger and I hope that there is not many errors because my eyes are to tired to reread it right now, therefore, I apologize for anything that I may have missed! I am also sorry to say that it could be a few days before you all get an update because I will be very busy…I will do my best to hurry up though! O yea…reviews could make it faster!


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it has taken me so long to update but I just now got this computer to upload this chapter! Hope you all enjoy and I will do my best to hurry the next chapter along! There is some medical stuff in this chapter that is completely from my imagination...I talk more about it at the end of the chapter because I don't want to give anything away!

Sorry about any grammatical errors...they are all mine because I beta my own stories

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

Chapter 5

Catherine opened her phone to answer, "Hey Nick, what do ya got?" she asked as a greeting.

Nick sighed on the other end, "It's pretty much identical to the first. Victim is wrapped in a blanket with the note that says 'Daddy can't hurt her anymore' just like the first. The only difference is the cause of death is gunshot to the temple. She has the same physical description of the first, about 5'7", dark hair, dark eyes…looks pretty much like Sara again. Maybe not quite as much as the first. Sofia is trying to get an ID now and we are going to go check out her place."

"The gunshot probably rules out a copycat. It's got to mean something though. Check it out and when you have something get back to me. I'm not sure how long we are going to be but if I don't hear from you I will see you at the lab in a while." Catherine said into the phone.

"Okay, tell Sara I hope she feels better," Nick said as he broke the connection.

Catherine filled Grissom and Sara in on what Nick had said. "Sara, have you noticed anything out of the norm here lately? Anyone possibly following you or things out of place at home or work?" Catherine asked.

Sara shook her head as she thought about it. "I haven't really been paying attention that much but I haven't noticed anything that I can recall."

"This guy is running us in circles. He is smart…and careful. Hopefully he left us more to go on this time. Text Nick and tell him to process the blanket as soon as he returns to the lab, then get to the autopsy. I will tell Robbins that this case is top priority and to get to it as quickly as he can," Grissom told Catherine as he took out his phone.

--------

When they reached the hospital they took a seat in the ER waiting room while Grissom filled out the necessary paperwork. Sara sat between him and Catherine, leaned over with her head in her hands. She felt weak and shaky.

Catherine watched Grissom fill out the paperwork with no hesitation. She was shocked that he didn't have to ask Sara anything. He knew everything from her social security number to her past medical history. "Wow, I never imagined you two could be that close…actually, I never pictured you that close to anyone," Catherine told Grissom.

Grissom grinned slightly without looking up, "That makes two of us"

Sara sat up slowly and looked to Grissom, "I'm going to pass out," she whispered as she took deep breaths and closed her eyes. She placed her hand on Grissom's leg for some much needed support.

He turned to her calmly, Sara, just keep breathing deep." He looked up to Catherine, "Can you see if they can get someone over here?" he pleaded.

Catherine got up to go to the desk and try to hurry them up. Grissom wrapped his arm around Sara, "It's okay, I'm here and I won't leave you. We are going to get you checked out and then you will feel better." He kissed the top of her head as she continued to take slow deep breaths.

Finally Catherine walked up with a young woman doctor. "This is Dr. Gordon. She is an obstetrician that I know and she has agreed to look Sara over."

"I'm not sure that she can walk," Grissom said.

"No problem," Dr. Gordon said as she grabbed a wheel chair and brought it over to Sara. "Okay sweetie, we are going to help you into this chair and take you back to an exam room to have a look at you."

After Sara was taken to a room Dr. Gordon handed her a gown and asked her to change into it, "You can leave your socks on but everything else goes. I will be back in a few minutes."

Sara looked at Grissom helplessly. She was so embarrassed that Catherine was here to see her this vulnerable. She tried to stand but her legs were so weak and shaky. Grissom kneeled beside her as she sunk back into the chair. "It's okay, let me help you."

Catherine walked out of the room out of respect and to give them some privacy. Grissom then gently helped Sara out of her clothes and into the gown. Before Catherine came back in he took her chin so that she would look at him. He kissed her gently and then looked in her eyes. "I love you, Sara Sidle," he whispered. He kissed her once more then walked to the door to let Catherine back in.

After a few minutes, Dr. Gordon came back in. "Let's get you in the bed Ms. Sidle." After they had her in the bed the doctor checked her skin and mouth. "You appear to be dehydrated so before anything I am going to start you on some fluids. That will more than likely make you feel much better."

The doctor took out a bag of fluids and hooked Sara up to an IV. "Okay, now I am going to run a blood test and do a quick ultrasound to confirm your condition. After that, I will do a vaginal exam and if everything is as it should be we will set up a follow up appointment in about a month."

Dr. Gordon rolled over an ultrasound machine. She took out some gel and after warning Sara that it would be cold she applied some to her stomach. The doctor then looked to the monitor as she searched around for a heartbeat. "There," she pointed. "If you look closely you can see it…you are about six to seven weeks along, and, as far as I can see, everything with the baby seems to be fine."

Sara stared at the monitor. This made it all so real. She felt very odd looking at the tiny heart beat inside her. It scared her to death that she was now responsible for not only herself, but this tiny being she carried within. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, not necessarily a tear of sadness, but a tear of awe.

"It's okay, everything is okay Sara," Grissom reassured her.

"Catherine tells me this wasn't planned," Dr. Gordon said.

Sara let out a sarcastic laugh, "That could be the understatement of the year," she said to no one in particular.

"How long would one have to be off birth control pills to be able to conceive?" Grissom asked the doctor.

"Usually up to a month, give or take a week according to the person." she replied.

"So if she had unknowingly been taking sugar pills for the last month and a half, that would without a doubt be long enough?" Grissom asked

"Definitely…why would she be taking sugar pills anyways?" the doctor furrowed her eye brows.

"Someone switched her pills and replaced them with sugar pills. She had no idea, which is why we are here in this situation." he responded.

"How hard would it be to make the sugar pills look identical to the real ones? I examined them and trust me, you can't tell the difference unless you test them," Grissom said to Dr. Gordon.

"Sounds like you may be looking for a doctor or a pharmacist. Someone with steady hands and the knowledge to make the pills look that legitimate. You know, there is this one pharmacist I know that has been in trouble for falsifying prescriptions. You may start there." Dr. Gordon handed Grissom a piece of paper with a name and address on it. "Now, lets finish up here. I am going to run your blood test, check your blood pressure, get your weight, and do the exam. I will be back as soon as I get your blood sent to the lab so we can get started."

Grissom looked at the name and address on the paper. "Sara, does the name Allen Waller mean anything to you?"

She shook her head, "Doesn't ring a bell."

"How about '3215 Johnson Avenue'" Grissom read the address off.

"No, I use the Walgreens closer to home." Sara stated

"We will have to check this out," Grissom told Catherine.

"I agree, as soon as we are done here," Catherine agreed.

After a few minutes Dr. Gordon returned. "Sara, are you feeling any better yet?"

Sara nodded, "Actually, yes."

"You were severely dehydrated, probably due to all of the vomiting. Let's check your blood pressure," the doctor said as she put the Velcro strap on Sara's arm.

Sara felt it tighten and then seen Dr. Gordon's look of concern. "What is it?" Sara asked.

"Your blood pressure is too high. Probably due to the dehydration and stress," Dr. Gordon replied.

"Okay, if you two," Dr. Gordon pointed at Grissom and Catherine, "will step to Sara's head we will get to the vaginal exam, assuming it is okay with you for them to remain in the room…" she looked to Sara.

Catherine spoke up "I will step out"

"No Cath, it's fine. Stay." Sara told her.

They moved to the head of the bed and Grissom took Sara's hand. He noticed her color was starting to return and she seemed to feel much better already.

Dr. Gordon looked up as she finished the exam, "Everything looks good," she said as she pulled her gloves off and released Sara's legs from the stirrups. "I am going to check the results of your blood tests and I will be back in a few minutes to talk to you."

As soon as the doctor left Catherine's phone rang. She seen Nick's name on the screen as she went to answer it.

"Victims name is Stella Surban, 27 years old, lives just off the strip. No signs of a break in at her place but everything has been wiped down just like Shepler's place. We haven't found any blood or fibers. This guy is too clean. We still have absolutely nothing to go on." Nick said.

"What about the victim, anything stand out at her apartment?" Catherine asked.

"Not really. There is just a few photos of the vic and what looks to be a boyfriend maybe. We are tracking him down now. She is not a vegetarian this time but she is a health fanatic. A lot of fruit and veggies in the fridge. No junk food laying around…and…Cath, this one looks more like Sara than the first…if that's possible. Where is this guy coming up with this." Nick sighed.

"Just keep digging Nick. Get to the blanket, maybe he left us a clue." Catherine said as she hung up the phone.

Catherine filled the two others in on what Nick had said. Sara rolled her eyes, "This is a nightmare."

Just then Dr. Gordon came back in. She held a paper in her hand and she studied it very carefully before she looked up and smiled slightly. She took a deep breath and started to explain, "Sara, I got your blood tests back. It appears that you have a few signs of toxemia, which is a condition produced by the presence of bacterial toxins in the blood. It sometimes affects pregnant women but usually we don't detect it until later on. I don't mean to scare any of you but it can be very dangerous. It often causes tissue or organ damage, fever, and severe intestinal upset. You are showing very minute signs right now but I want to keep a very close eye on you. This condition can progress quickly and we need to be very prepared if and when it does."

Grissom slowly sat down in the chair next to the bed. He was very unprepared for this pregnancy but this just put a whole new twist on things. He had heard of this condition before and did not know a lot about it except that it could be extremely dangerous. "Is there anything she can do to minimize the chances of this progressing?"

"Unfortunately, not really. Obviously she should abstain from any major physical activity. I am also concerned with her blood pressure. You are going to have to try to minimize your stress level," the doctor said looking to Sara.

"Is there any imminent danger? Should she stay home from work…which would probably stress her out more than staying busy." Catherine thought aloud.

"Like I said, there is very little sign at the moment but that could always change in a matter of hours. I don't see any reason to keep you from work but if you experience any kind of fever, take Tylenol and if it gets above 101 I want you to call me immediately. I am going to give you a prescription for the nausea and if you continue to feel sick drink a lot of fluids and try to sleep as much as possible. Sometimes that will help you keep from actually being sick therefore you can stay hydrated, which is very important. If you start to swell in your hands or feet, call me immediately. This can be a sign of the toxemia progressing. Sara this can get very serious so I want you to take care of yourself. If you have any questions call me anytime. Here is a card with my cell and pager numbers on it." Dr. Gordon said handing each of them a card.

Sara just sat and stared at the fluids still dripping into her arm. She didn't know how to react to what the doctor just said. She hadn't even known about this baby a full day but after hearing the tiny heart beat for herself she felt the overwhelming need to protect it.

"What does this mean for the baby?" Sara said quietly to no one in particular.

Dr. Gordon looked up from the chart, "Well, right now the baby is perfect. Your body will protect the baby at all costs, which is why this condition is very dangerous for pregnant women. Of course if your blood pressure or fever gets too high, or you become severely dehydrated, it can affect the baby by putting a lot of stress on it. Usually the heart beat will speed up or slow down depending on the circumstance. In that case we will monitor it closely and limit your activity. But, for now, the baby is great. Take care of yourself and hopefully things will stay that way."

"I am going to make you an appointment for a week from today. We need to monitor this closely." she said as she marked it down in her chart.

"Thank you doctor," Grissom said as he tried to rein in his emotions. He knew he needed to be strong for Sara's sake. He just hoped and prayed he could take care of her and maybe, if they were lucky, they would get through this without anything getting any worse.

"Okay, a nurse will be in shortly to take out the IV and check your BP one more time before letting you go." Dr. Gordon looked to Grissom, "I am going to send a device that will check her blood pressure automatically by simply strapping it on and pressing a button. I want you to check it three times a day and if it gets above 130/90 have her sit down, put her feet up, and check it again a few minutes later. If it is still high, call me."

Grissom nodded unable to speak. Catherine put her hand on his shoulder, "It's just a precaution Gil." she said trying to ease his tension.

-----

After they got Sara back in the Denali they all three headed for the pharmacy to question Allen Waller. Grissom didn't want Sara to go but he knew she would fight him tooth and nail so he didn't voice his opinion.

When they arrived he parked and turned around to look Sara in the eyes. He could tell she had been crying again but was now sitting quietly, staring out the window. "Sara, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine now. Griss, I need to do this. I need to go in with you because if he is the one responsible I may recognize him from somewhere." she more less pleaded with him. She never took her eyes away from the window in fear of loosing control of her emotions again.

"Just promise me you will remain behind Catherine and I at all times, no matter what. You cannot put yourself in danger, do you understand?" he said in his supervisor tone.

Sara nodded. She knew it was the only way he would agree and she also knew he was right. She had more than just herself to think about.

Grissom looked to Catherine, "do you think we should call Brass in?"

Catherine shrugged her shoulders, "You will have a lot of explaining to do, but if this does turn out to be a suspect he will have to be called." She thought about it a moment. "Let's just talk to him first and see where it may lead."

Grissom nodded and Sara let out a deep breath she didn't realize she had been holding. The last thing she wanted right now was to explain this situation to anyone. As long as the three of them could handle the trail of the birth control pills, no one else would have to find out about the baby for a little while at least. That is the one thing she knew would send her over the edge right now as far as the stress level and blood pressure were concerned.

"Let's do this," Catherine said as she opened her door.

* * *

Authors notes:

So tell me what you think. Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I got very very busy and had absolutely no time!

By the way, I am not a doctor or health care professional of any kind. Anything other than the actual definition of toxemia was completely made up from my imagination so just roll with it. I understand it is a little out there but it makes the story juicier.

NOW REVIEW REVIEW!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 11**

"I don't know what you're talking about," Allen Waller pleaded with the three criminalists. Waller was a short stocky man around 40 years old. He was extremely nervous and fidgety while they were questioning him.

"Look Mr. Waller, we know you have falsified prescriptions before and this is not a far stretch from that. Now we can go downtown and talk or we can talk here…up to you." Catherine bluffed.

"Look, I admit I have gave a few people something a little stronger for pain. The prescriptions that they came in here with were not going to touch the pain they were going through. I did it to help people, not hurt them. I never gave them anything dangerous, I swear," Waller told them.

"And you have never gave someone sugar pills instead of birth control pills?" Grissom asked in a friendly tone.

"Okay, there was this guy. It's been, I don't know, like two months ago or so. He came in a little panicked. Said his girlfriend came up pregnant and her parents were going to kill her for being so irresponsible. He begged me to give him a couple months worth of birth control pills so she could show them to her parents and tell them she was on the pill and that she was being responsible and maybe they wouldn't be so mad." Waller was breathing hard and shaking nervously. He took a deep breath then continued, "I told him I couldn't give him the real thing because if she did take them it could harm the baby, but I could give him some sugar pills instead and no one could tell the difference unless they tested them. I even made them the same as the birth control her mother took her to get on a few years ago."

"And you didn't think that was a little odd? This guy even gave you a brand name and everything?" Catherine said shaking your head.

"I was just trying to help. He acted so genuinely upset. Besides, sugar pills aren't going to hurt anyone, no matter how many they take." Waller said.

"Unless someone thinks they are still taking real birth control pills. Did you ever think of that genius, or did this guy pay you to well so you just turned your damn head?" Sara spoke with a sting in her voice that made the pharmacist cringe.

"I…didn't even think of that. And yes, he did pay me but only what the true birth control would have cost him. I wouldn't accept anymore. I told you, I was just trying to help. So you are telling me this guy was lying? He used the pills to trick someone?" Waller asked in shock.

"Yes, he did. And all because you didn't think about the consequences your actions might cause," Sara told him while she pointed her finger into his chest.

Grissom took her by the shoulders and pulled her away from the little man who was sweating bullets. "You have to calm down Sara. If we get on him too hard he could lawyer up and we wont get anything else from him."

Sara rolled her eyes, "I just cannot believe how stupid some people can be."

Catherine spoke calmly and sweetly to the pharmacist, "Look, we are not here to bust you on any of this. We just really need to find the guy that bought these pills. Did he happen to pay with a credit card?"

"I am pretty sure he paid with cash but I can go back and look. Like I said, I am not sure what day it was but I can go back in the computer and see if I can find the name." Waller said wanting to be as helpful as possible.

"That would be great. Do you remember what the guy looked like?" she asked him

Waller thought back, "Average height, white man, dark hair. Maybe around 30. I remember thinking that he should be old enough that the girl he got pregnant shouldn't have to worry about her parents killing her."

"So you didn't think to ask any questions?" Sara asked as calmly as she could.

"He said they were just old fashioned. Look, he was very convincing. I never doubted his story, not once." Waller told them sincerely.

"How far do those cameras go back?" Grissom asked looking up at the camera over the door.

"They are on a three day loop." Waller answered.

The pharmacist went back in the computer and after about thirty minutes of searching he found a log of two packages of ortho lo birth control pills. "He used the girl's name, so it would be on the label. I remember that now."

"And what would the name be?" Grissom asked.

"It's a Sara Sidle…hey didn't you say one of your names were…" Sara interrupted, "Yeah, that would be me." She rolled her eyes and turned around to get a grip on her spinning head.

Waller kept looking at the computer, "The man also paid with cash. I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone," he apologized.

"From now on, just fill the prescriptions the doctors send in. I am going to keep a close eye on this place and one more mistake from you and you're going down, do you understand?" Catherine said.

"Yes, yes. Thank you. I have definitely learned my lesson. Thank you so much and again, I am so sorry." he said looking at Sara's back.

Back in the Denali, they headed towards a nearby Wallgreens to fill Sara's prescription. She was starting to feel a little sick again and Grissom wanted to stop it before it got good and started this time.

"This guy is playing with me. He knew we would find the pharmacy. I don't know how, but he knew" Sara said with anger in her voice.

"He is smart. He probably figured that by the time we got to the pharmacy, Waller would have a hard time recollecting much from his visit. He was right, we didn't really learn anything that would help us catch him," Catherine said.

"We only know exactly what he wants us to," Sara said in a low voice sounding defeated.

"We will find him. He will make a mistake at some point." Grissom added.

"Yea, but how many girls will die before that happens? Sometimes I hate this damn job" Sara rubbed her face and sat back against the seat exhausted.

After they picked up Sara's medicine they made their way back to the lab. Grissom sent Sara to the crib to get some sleep before she started to get sick again. He was taking the doctor's advice very seriously and Sara knew better than to argue with him.

After Sara was situated, Grissom made his way to Judy's desk. "Judy, if any more envelopes like the one from before come for Sara, I want you to page me immediately, no matter what."

"Yes sir," Judy said a little confused.

Grissom turned to find Nick without explaining himself. Nick was looking at a printout with Hodges staring over his shoulder. "What do we know?" Grissom asked as he walked up.

"I found something on the blanket. Turns out it is vaginal fluid mixed with spermicide which suggests she was raped. Doc found trauma at six o'clock which confirms it. He roughed this one up pretty good Grissom. She had a broken wrist where it looked like he twisted it and some broken ribs where he kicked her. I got a partial boot print that I am running now. There were also a lot of old breaks, just like the last victim. Doc also says that the GSR on the victim's entry wound suggests she was shot at close range. Bullet is a standard issue 9 mil." Nick filled Grissom in.

"Same gun the cops use," Grissom said.

"And the criminalists," Nick added. "Ballistics is working on the bullet now. The autopsy also revealed that the victim was recently pregnant. Doc thinks she may have miscarried sometime in the last few days. Same ligature marks as the first victim so she was also bound."

Grissom took a deep breath and shook his head. "Page me when you get the results. Oh, and Nick, don't bother filling Sara in. She is taking this case to hard as it is. From here on out you and Catherine are the two primaries." Grissom said as he turned to leave.

"What happened to me being the one primary?" Nick asked a little shocked that Grissom would take this case away from him.

"Nick, this case is going to be huge. You will appreciate this in the end. It will take some of the heat off of you. I will let Catherine know she will be working with you and you can catch her up." Grissom walked away to find Catherine.

He found her getting coffee in the break room. "Hey, can I see you in my office?"

She followed him and he closed the door after she entered. "How is Sara?" she asked.

"Sleeping for now." He took a deep breath. "Catherine, I need you to work side by side with Nick. You know everything about the case and he still just knows enough to work it but not the whole story. You will know if he starts to go in the wrong direction. We are now officially working this as Sara being the target. The note and envelope can go into evidence and we are going to have to bring Nick up to speed on Sara's past. I really wish I could keep Sara as far away from this as possible but I don't know how."

"You can't. As much as you want to protect her from everything, you can't. You know Sara, she is not going to keep her distance. This case is personal, and that's exactly how she is going to take it. I can't say that I would be any different." Catherine told him.

"What about what the doctor said about stress and blood pressure. How the hell is this going to work? Do you know how dangerous toxemia is? And it can progress so fast…" he trailed off, running his hand over his face.

"We just have to keep a very close eye on her. Gil, no matter how fragile she appears, Sara is very strong. You know that. She will make it through this," Catherine rubbed his shoulder for support.

"I hope you are right," he replied.

"Look, I am going to go see if Nick needs any help. I'm going to wait to fill him in until after we talk to Sara about it. I think it will be best if we inform her of every move before we make it. You need to lay down and get some sleep. No offense, but you look like hell" she told him with a smile.

"Feel like it to. I am just going to run and check on Sara first…" he said as Catherine held up her hand interrupting him.

"Let me…we still have to worry about Ecklie, and in my opinion that will push Sara over the edge faster than anything else. Lay down, I will come get you if we get anything." she turned and headed out the door to the crib.

Sara was stirring a little when Catherine walked in. She walked in and sat on the bed across from Sara and seen her start to open her eyes. Catherine felt her forehead, "No fever, that's good. How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.

"I think I am hungry," she said as she sat up, "and dizzy." Sara sat still holding on to the bed until the dizzy spell passed.

Catherine smiled, "That is going to happen a lot so get used to it. You have to get up slowly and let your body adjust. What would you like to eat. We can run to the diner if you want. Grissom is laying down in his office."

"Okay. I can bring him something back I guess. That sounds fine," Sara said.

"Okay so spill, how did you and bug man end up together?" Catherine asked trying to keep the mood light as they waited for their food.

Sara looked down and blushed slightly. "I don't know if I should be discussing this."

"Oh come on Sara. Give me something. I know all the incriminating stuff already!"

Catherine begged.

"Okay but this never goes any farther." Sara said

"Never" she agreed.

Sara took a deep breath. She had never told this story before and wasn't sure how much she wanted to disclose. "Remember the case where Nick was abducted?" Catherine nodded. Sara continued, "That is when it all started. It was purely physical at first. It was just like we both needed an outlet so we used each other."

Catherine's mouth fell open, "I never had you two pegged as that type. The type to use sex as an outlet."

Sara flushed a little, then went on, "We told each other that there were no strings and no one would ever find out. We both figured we would get it out of our system and go back to normal. It worked for a while. But it was like the more we were together, the more we wanted…each other." She was having a hard time explaining herself. Sara was not the type of person to talk about her sex life.

"Eventually, we decided we should back off a little. We were afraid someone would find out and one of us would get fired. That didn't work out so well. We would fight about petty things on a case, bighting each others' heads off over the slightest thing. The tension would build for weeks, then we would usually end up in bed together again. We would be fine after that until the tension hit breaking point again."

Sara paused as the waitress sat their plates in front of them. Catherine was shaking her head in awe. "I never imagined…" she trailed off, at a loss for words.

Sara smiled sheepishly, "That went on for a few months. Then we went through some tough cases and fell right back into our old routine. We were together at least five nights a week and eventually one thing led to another. I ended up staying at his place more than I was at mine and after about six months we moved in together."

Catherine stopped her, "You mean to tell me that you and Grissom have lived together for over a year and no one knows about it? How did you manage that. I have been to his town house at least a dozen times in the last year and I had no clue!"

Sara smiled again, "I don't leave my things laying around. We keep everything put away in case we have any unexpected visitors. And on most of your visits, I was either at work or in the bedroom. I heard you and Griss fighting over a case on more than one occasion."

Catherine smiled, "So you two have been seeing each other for two years and you still call him Grissom?"

"At work, at home its usually Gil…we have that part perfected." Sara said.

"I'll say. I have worked side by side with you two and I have never witnessed you screw up. I am still in shock over all of this. You and Gil Grissom, the two biggest science geeks in the lab, using sex…with each other…as a distraction. I would have never guessed in a million years!" Catherine smiled.

"Like I said, that never leaves here," Sara said as she took a bite of salad. "God, it feels good to eat real food again."

Catherine smiled, "So is it still purely sexual or are you two more serious now?"

Sara took a deep breath, "You know, after all that has happened in my past I swore I would never become dependent on a man, and financially, I haven't. But emotionally, I don't know what I would do without him. I never seen myself needing someone as much as I need him and sometimes that scares me to death. Sometimes I find myself thinking 'what is going to happen when he wakes up and realizes that this could ruin his career when it comes out' and" she glanced down at her stomach, "obviously it's going to come out sooner than either of us realized."

Sara sighed as the thought brought her back to the present. "I still cannot believe this is all happening. I never imagined myself with a kid. And Grissom as a father," Sara put her fork down as she felt her stomach flip.

"Sara, you have to stop looking at this as such a negative thing. Trust me, the first time you lay your eyes on this baby, nothing else in the world will matter. There will be nothing more important, not the job, not your past, hell not even Grissom. The feeling is absolutely indescribable." Catherine said thinking of Lindsay.

"Catherine you don't get it do you? I don't know if I can do this. I don't know what kind of person I am when it comes to kids. I have always distanced myself from them. You have seen my temper. I don't know what I may be capable of. You…you were born to be a mother. You were raised by a good mom that was always there for you…"

"And I have a thug for a father," Catherine interrupted. "Sara you are a good person. You have lost your temper in the past but it was because the cases and the victim meant so much to you. I have never witnessed you become violent with anyone."

"You missed some interrogations obviously." Sara said smiling. She picked her fork back up and continued to eat a little less enthusiastically now. She had lost her appetite after thinking about her and Grissom's 'situation', but she knew she had to try and eat for her, and the baby's sake.

They finished eating in peace and on the walk back to the lab Catherine thought she may as well tell Sara about updating Nick.

"Sara, Grissom thinks it time we bring Nick up to speed." she let that sink in for a moment.

Sara stayed calm and took a deep breath before speaking, "Yea, I knew that was coming. Only what he needs to know though. I want to be there, no, I need to be there when you tell him."

"Sara are you sure that's a good idea?" Catherine asked.

"No but I need to face this head on to keep from everything crashing down at once later on." Sara explained.

"Okay, your call. Let's go find Nick." Catherine said as they made their way inside.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

**Well, there is chapter 6...read and review! I hope there are not many mistakes because I had to hurry up and get this posted...it's time for the little one to go to bed an boy is he fussy! Hope you enjoy!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well I fianlly got around to updating! Please read and review...Enjoy!**

When Sara and Catherine returned to the lab, Nick and Grissom were talking in the break room.

"Here guys, we brought you some food," Catherine said as she put two to go boxes down in front of them.

"Thanks," Nicks eyes lit up as he grabbed one.

Catherine looked at Grissom questioningly. "Couldn't sleep," he said simply.

"Nick, there are some things about this case you need to know," Sara said quietly, cutting to the chase. She wanted to get this over with before the break room filled with lab rats needing coffee.

"What do I not already know?" Nick looked confused.

"You would be surprised," Sara said already feeling her emotions rising. "Go ahead Cath," she said as she stood away from the table crossing her arms and trying to control the tears she knew were so close to falling.

"Long story short," Catherine began, "this guy is targeting Sara."

"I seen that one coming," Nick replied.

"There is more," Catherine continued. "Sara, like the victims, had an abusive father. When she was twelve, her father came home from work and started hitting her mother. Her mother ended up stabbing him to death. Sara ended up in foster care, which is where we think she crossed paths with our killer at some point." She continued to explain the lengths between the victims. She left out the part about the birth control pills and Sara being pregnant. She kept a close eye on Sara and noticed she was trying to keep her emotions from getting the best of her like they had before.

Sara leaned against the wall with her eyes closed to keep the tears from spilling over. When Catherine finally got to the end she heard Nick take a deep breath. She could feel his eyes on her and she turned her back to him.

"Sara, I…had no idea. Has she only got one note?" Nick said turning back to Catherine.

"So far, but there will more than likely be more," Catherine replied.

Grissom walked over and touched Sara's arm, trying to be supportive without giving them away.

"Don't" Sara said as she pulled away. He looked into her eyes and could see the tears running down her face. She swiped them away quickly and looked back to Grissom, "I'm sorry," she mouthed so no one else could here. "I just…can't handle being touched right now."

This hurt Grissom but he backed away in understanding. She had acted like this when things had went from physical to emotional in their relationship. She had wanted to keep him from getting to close but he had eventually broken through the walls and she had let him in. Now it felt like she was pushing him back out and he hated that. There wasn't anything he could do about it at the moment but he knew she didn't miss the hurt that crossed his face.

"This is not about you Grissom," Sara said quietly as she turned and left the room.

He followed her while Catherine stayed behind and talked to Nick about the case, mostly answering his questions. Catherine gave Grissom a 'be careful' look as he walked out the door after Sara.

Sara walked into the crib trying to get a moment to herself. She flipped on the light to make sure no one else was there. Just then Grissom walked in behind her and seen her tense.

"Grissom just leave me alone for a minute," she begged.

"Sara, I thought we got through this a long time ago…" he trailed off.

"I will never be through this," she said with a tinge of anger.

"Sara, don't do this. Let me be there for you, please," he put his arms around her.

"Griss," she shrugged out of his embrace, "you can't fix everything."

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. She was pulling away just like she had before. He didn't know whether to push her or let her be. He decided on the latter since he knew they didn't need to fight in the lab. He would try and wait until they were completely alone.

"Fine, I will be in my office if you need me," he turned and walked away, hoping he was doing the right thing.

Grissom decided to call and fill Brass in on the situation. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sofia to run the investigation but he knew she could use all the help she could get. Grissom also knew Brass would take Sara being targeted personal and put all the manpower he could into finding this killer.

After filling Brass in on the phone and listening to the ranting and raving for over fifteen minutes, he disconnected the call when he seen Sofia walking down the hall talking to Nick and Catherine. Brass had promised to meet with Sofia as soon as possible and get completely up to date with the case and then help her run it. He promised that no one would sleep until they caught this maniac.

Grissom hurried out of his office to meet up with Sofia, Nick, and Catherine in the break room. "Start over, at the beginning," he said as he interrupted Sofia in mid sentence.

"Okay, Stella Surban's father, Mathew Surban, was a child molester as well as a wife beater. He was also a cop for Clark County before he got caught."

Nick shook his head in shame, "He should have been someone they could trust."

Sofia continued, "Surban would come home after a tough shift, beat his wife, then go into their daughter's room and rape her. This supposedly started when Stella was eight years old and continued until just after her thirteenth birthday. He didn't beat Stella until she started fighting back around the age of ten. One day when her father came home from work her mother had laced his beer with GHB. After it kicked in she took his gun and shot him in the temple. Then she called the police and turned herself in. She said she knew it was the only way to get Stella away from him. She had tried telling a few people about the abuse over the years but with him being a Clark County police officer, they dismissed her before they even looked into it. She knew she could never get anyone to believe her."

"Wow, can you imagine the hell they went through?" Catherine said to no one in particular.

"Where is the mother now?" Grissom asked.

"She got life without the possibility of parole since it was a police officer she killed," Sofia said in disgust.

Grissom shook his head. "I suppose there is nothing we can do about that?"

Sofia shrugged, "I've got a couple detectives on it. There is nothing the evidence is going to tell us that we don't already know so there is nothing you guys can do."

"What happened to Stella after her mother went to jail?" Catherine asked.

"Foster care. She got lucky and was placed with a good family after living with a few others for a brief while. The family ended up adopting her and raising her like their own. They were very upset when they were notified of her murder." Sofia answered.

Grissom nodded, "Cath, fill Sofia in on what we know. Sofia, then you should see if you can pull Sara's foster care record and see if we can start tracking down the families she was placed with. It's a long shot but I am betting that is where the killer knows her from. I will be in my office," Grissom said as he turned to leave. Sofia looked at Catherine confused and they both sat down at the table as Catherine began to explain Sara's past to the young detective.

As soon as Grissom entered his office his pager went off. He looked down and his heart dropped. Another envelope. He quickly made his way to Judy's desk.

"It was mailed in this time sir but I recognized the writing right away," Judy said as she handed him the envelope.

"Thank you Judy," Grissom said simply as he took out a pair of gloves and took the envelope. He headed to he evidence room alone. He would dust it and open it, then go to the rest of the team.

There were a few prints on the envelope that he lifted but the note was clean. This time, there was a picture along with the note. The picture was Sara and Grissom walking up the steps to the townhouse. They were talking and smiling but thankfully not touching. He turned it over and found writing that said 'Gil and Sara…proud parents to be'. There were no prints on the picture so he discreetly slipped it into his lab coat pocket. He would show it to Catherine later.

He then looked to the letter. It was longer this time which meant it was getting more personal. He read it slowly, taking in every detail.

_Sara, _

_I have been watching you for a long while now. I have learned a lot about you in the past few years. Like yourself, I am a child of abuse. However, I have already started to suffer from the long term effects. It is only a matter of time before you give in to temptation as well. You have already shown the signs, like when you lost it with your superior at work and when you almost got a DUI but was saved both times by your so called supervisor. If it weren't for him, I believe you would have already went off the deep end but he keeps pulling you back away from the edge. You disgust me with your secret little fairy tale life. How long do you think you can continue with your facade now? How long until you come out of your so called closet? You are on a pretty short time line now as you know. You possibly have a few short months left before everyone learns your biggest secret. Is that enough to push you over the edge that he keeps pulling you away from? You will soon figure out that you are more like me than you think._

_Talk you soon,_

_Your Ghost_

Grissom felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. This was going to tear Sara apart. It was true that she feared becoming like her father. That was very possibly her biggest fear especially now that she was going to be a parent herself. He wished that he could keep this note from her but he wasn't sure how.

Just then Sara walked into the evidence room. Grissom turned and tried to block her view, but knew it was to late.

"Is that another note?" she asked trying to mask her emotions from earlier. She knew she had hurt him and hated herself for it, but this case had brought back memories she had buried so deep for so long and shutting down was the only way she knew how to cope.

"Sara, you need to rest. Are you feeling okay?" Grissom knew his attempt was lame and wouldn't work, but he really wanted to keep this away from her as long as he could.

"Cut the crap Grissom, let me see." Sara stepped around him and looked down at the letter.

Grissom grabbed a chair from the corner and set it behind her, knowing she would need it. He ran his hand over his face and waited for the fall out he knew was to come.

As Sara finished reading, she felt her knees start to shake. She leaned into the table for support.

"Sit," Grissom took her arms and guided her down toward the chair.

Sara felt anger run through her body. She shook him off and began to pace around the room. "That son of a bitch. What the hell is he trying to prove. He knows me Grissom. He knows my whole life. He knows by biggest fears. He is playing with fire by trying to push me over the edge. He knows what I am capable of more than I do."

By this time Sara was crying as well as yelling. Grissom shut the door to the evidence room to try and block the sound from the rest of the lab.

Grissom took her shoulders to calm her, "Honey, you have to calm down. This is exactly what he wants. You are nothing like him…"

Sara cut him off as she threw her hands up and started pacing again, "Grissom, do not patronize me. You know as well as I do that everything he said is true. You have witnessed it first hand. I can't control my emotions, just like my father couldn't. What is going to happen when…" she trailed off as she touched her stomach.

Grissom felt his heart break, "Sara, you have never been violent before. You are not like your father. You are a kind, passionate, caring person, and you are going to make a wonderful parent," he said softly.

She turned around still angry, "You don't know what I feel inside. The anger, the turmoil, the voices of my father that I deal with everyday. All of that goes away when you and I are together. Don't you see Grissom, you are just as much of a target in this whole plot as I am. He knows how much I need you and he knows I will probably end up hurting you one way or another in the end." The tears continued to roll down her face as she fought back the sobs that she was sure would be heard throughout the lab.

Grissom took her by the arms and pulled her to him, not caring if anyone seen them, "You could never hurt me Sara. Don't do this to yourself. We will protect each other. We will find this guy and put him away for a long time."

A sob finally escaped and Sara pulled away. "You still don't get it do you? It doesn't matter. The damage is done. There is no way we can hide for much longer no matter what happens. Even if we catch him today he is going to out us and ruin both of our careers. My past is all over the lab. What is left to hold onto. Do you really think I can be the type of parent a child deserves to have. I don't even know what a mother should act like. Mine was always too busy protecting herself to worry about me."

More tears ran down Sara's face as a realization come over her. "There is only one thing that can solve all of this. It is the one thing he thought I would never do."

She headed to the door as Grissom figured out what she was saying, "Sara, don't" was all he could get out before she opened the door and turned back to him. She just shook her head sadly, "This is the only way he will leave you out of it."

She closed the door before he could say another word. She hurried down the hall towards the locker room as she left him there with his heart shattering.

She heard the door open from a distance behind her and could feel his eyes on her back, "Sara, I am in it. No matter what you decide, I am in it for the long haul. Don't do something you will regret for the rest of your life."

Sara hurried into the locker room before she broke down in the hall for everyone to see. Once she was safely inside, she sat on the bench, buried her head in her hands, and let the sobs come.

Catherine had heard Grissom's declaration from inside the break room. She got up and hurried out pulling him towards his office while Nick and Sofia stared in confusion.

"Gil, what the hell are you thinking? What is going on? You can't have fights in the hallway with your secret lover and expect no one to notice." Catherine shook him out of his daze, "Gil, talk to me."

He ran his hands over his face and when he looked at Catherine she could see the tears in his eyes. She had never in her life seen Gil Grissom cry so this scared her to death. She rushed to him and made him sit on the sofa.

A look of horror flashed over his face, "The note, Catherine, in the evidence room," he rose but she stopped him. "I will get it. You be still."

Catherine grabbed the note and rushed back to Grissom's office. She sat beside him and took the note out. After she read it she looked up and took Grissom's hands, "What happened Gil? How did she handle this?"

Grissom shook his head and closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling. "She is scared Cath, she thinks he is going to ruin both of us. She thinks…she thinks the only way to keep me out of it is to…to get…"

Catherine cut him off, "To abort the baby?"

Grissom nodded as he wiped away a tear and looked back into Catherine's eyes. "I don't know what to do. She won't listen. Catherine, she can't go anywhere alone. You have to find her…to be there for her. She won't even look at me." He said sadly as he wiped another tear away. "She is going to regret this for the rest of her life. She will end up hating herself for it but if she goes through with it someone has to be there for her. She can't do it alone."

"Are you okay? If I go find her will you be okay?" Catherine asked.

"I will be fine. Just please, go." he pleaded.

Catherine heard a sob as she walked by the locker room. She entered to see Sara shielding her face from Nick and Sofia. "Can we have a minute guys?" Catherine said to the two as she walked towards Sara.

After Nick and Sofia were gone, Catherine sat down and took Sara into a full embrace. Sara just continued to sob uncontrollably now. "I can't do this Catherine. I can't handle this. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I can."

Sara knew that Catherine had already talked to Grissom.

Catherine took her chin and made her look up, "Then don't Sara. If you feel that it is not right then it's not."

"That's just it, I feel that it is the right thing to do. It could solve everything. Don't sit here and try to talk me out of it. This could save him." Sara told her trying to regain her composure.

"Sara, I will support you if that is the decision you make but don't kid yourself, this is going to kill him, not save him. You, this" Catherine pointed to Sara's stomach, "is more important to him than his career will ever be. Can't you see that?"

Sara continued to cry, "I don't know if I can do this though. What if I am like my father. A child should never have to go through that."

"Sara, you will never be like your father. You care to much. I will help you do this. I have been there. I know you feel overwhelmed at the thought of this child but just trust me. Besides, Ecklie can't fire you over that. It is discrimination and trust me, I will make damn sure he knows it. And who says he has to know that Grissom is the father right now. Someday maybe, but until this is all over with, it can be our secret."

Sara looked at her and tried to get her breathing back under control. "I am not making any promises right now. This guy is depending on me to keep this baby. An abortion would shatter his whole plan."

Catherine nodded, "Sara, don't you see that not being able to abort already makes you better than your father, and this killer. You will never be like him. You haven't even felt this baby move yet and you still can't bear the thought of hurting it."

Catherine seen the faintest of smiles on Sara's lips. It was sad and weak, but it was there.

Just then, Sara looked up in shock and put her hand over her mouth. She got up and barely made it to the nearest trash can before emptying her stomach. She retched for what felt like forever while Catherine held her hair and rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"You forgot your medicine, huh?" Catherine asked when Sara was finally done.

"Yea, guess so." Sara replied.

"Let's go to Grissom's office and get the medicine down you and get your blood pressure and temperature checked."

Sara nodded. As soon as she walked in she seen Grissom sitting on his couch silently letting his tears fall.

Catherine closed the door then the blinds as she walked over to get Sara's medicine out of Grissom's desk.

"I'm so sorry," Sara whispered.

Grissom got up and made his way to her in two strides. He put both arms around her and hugged her tight. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

After they got their emotions back under control Catherine cleared her throat, "Sara, take this and lets get that BP and temp checked out."

After Sara calmed down some Grissom proceeded to tell her about Stella Surban's past. "So he is killing the victims the same way as their fathers." Sara said when he was finished.

"Seems that way" Grissom agreed

Sara shook her head in anger, "So what are we doing to catch this guy?"

"We are going to cross reference the families you were placed with in foster care to the families Stells Surban was with. She only lived with three families before she was placed with the one that adopted her. After we get her records we will need you to see if you recognize any of the families. You will have to request your own records because they are sealed to law enforcement." Grissom explained.

"Just promise me one thing," Sara looked at Grissom with glossy eyes, "No one outside of graveyard sees the records."

Grissom silently nodded. He would do his best to keep his promise and hopefully if they found their killer this way there would be another link besides just the records. He knew how private Sara was and he knew she didn't want her whole life story displayed in front of the whole city at trial.

"Let's go to my office, we need to check your blood pressure and think about getting you something to eat." Grissom said as he took her arm and lead her towards the door.

She gently pulled her arm out of his grasp, "Let's not give everyone something else to talk about," she said as she glanced at the place on her arm that he had held. She needed him so badly right now but she knew they were walking on thin ice around the lab and if one person seen them it would spread like wildfire.

On the way to Grissom's office Sara called and requested her foster care files. She asked that they be rushed to the Las Vegas Crime Lab as quickly as possible. She knew it would more than likely still take a day or two at the least.

"Where are we on getting Stella Surban's file?" Sara asked Grissom as she hung up her phone.

"Sofia put the request in earlier so hopefully they are working on it. I told her to bring them here when she got them and you can see if you may recognize one of the families." Grissom told her.

Sara took a seat on the sofa in Grissom's office as he strapped the blood pressure device around her wrist and hit the start button. After her blood pressure checked out okay Grissom took her temperature.

"I don't have any temp Gil, I told you I feel fine." Sara complained.

"You look a little flushed. It is better to be on the safe side." Grissom took the thermometer from under her arm when it beeped. "See, 99.3. You are running a little bit."

Sara rolled her eyes. She hated this kind of attention. She already felt weak and helpless enough without him constantly reminding her that she had to take it easy. She was beginning to feel very frustrated because everyone was always watching her. She felt like she couldn't even go to the bathroom by herself. She felt claustrophobic because someone was steadily by her side no matter where she went or what she done. She was starting to feel on edge, not because of her new found stalker, but she now felt like she was being stalked by everyone she worked with.

"Grissom, I can't handle this. Everyone is going to have to back off, including you. I know you are just trying to help but this is too much," Sara said as she stormed around his office.

"I feel like I can't even breathe. Every time I turn around I run into someone. I just need some space." She sat back down and put her head in her hands exasperated.

Grissom took a deep breath. He knew this was coming. Sara was very private and she hated being the center of any kind of attention, good or bad. "Sara, I know how you feel. But the truth is, this guy scares me to death." He sat down and took her hand, glancing around to make sure they couldn't be seen. "Everyone is just concerned with your safety and I know its not helping your sanity any but we are all just a little overprotective."

She looked at him with anger in her eyes and he put his hands up defensively, "Okay you win. We will back off if you promise me one thing."

"What's that?" she asked

"You won't venture out of the lab by yourself. I know you feel that you can take care of yourself but please don't take that chance right now. I couldn't handle it if something happened." he pleaded.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, "I will stay here until I go completely insane. Then you really wont be able to handle it."

She got up and headed for the door. "Where are you going now?" he asked, regretting the question as soon as it escaped his lips.

She stopped with her hand on the door knob, "To find some clothes in my locker, grab a shower in the locker room, then to the break room to find some food. Is that okay with you?"

"I'm sorry. Go ahead. I will go get us something to eat from the diner." he said as she exited his office.

After she was showered and dressed Sara exited the locker room to see Catherine and Ecklie talking in the break room. She caught the last of their conversation as she entered and it caused her to stop in her tracks. Ecklie was questioning Catherine about Sara's past and Catherine looked as if she had no idea what to tell him.

Grissom was walking down the hall when he heard Sara's voice, "What the hell Catherine? What the fuck happened to nobody outside of graveyard knowing about this, about me?"

"Sidle, you need to calm down," Ecklie said loudly. "Nothing goes on in my lab without me knowing about it. I should have been brought up to date on this case as soon as you all learned it involved a CSI." he said accusingly.

Grissom entered the break room just in time to see Sara step towards Ecklie angrily. "You son of bitch, who told you?"

"Sara, back off," Grissom said sternly as he sat the boxes of food down. "Conrad, can I see you in my office?"

"I will not back off, this is my personal and very private life we are talking about and I do not want it spread all over the fucking five o'clock news." Sara was getting close to yelling now and Catherine stepped between her and Ecklie.

"Sidle, you are on very thin ice right now. I advise you to listen to your supervisor." Ecklie said in a very threatening tone.

Catherine grabbed Sara and pulled her to a chair as Ecklie glared at her. "Conrad, please." Grissom said as he headed for the door praying that Ecklie followed.

Just then, Sara bolted for the bathroom holding one hand over her mouth and another over her stomach. Catherine followed almost knocking Ecklie down in the process, "I got it," she said as she passed by Grissom.

Ecklie followed Grissom to his office, "I want and explanation Gil. And it better be a good one or she is gone."

"Have a seat," Grissom said trying to mask his anger.

"As you have obviously heard, there is a possible serial killer targeting women with a history of abusive fathers. He is specifically targeting Sara and she is taking it very personally. We are working the case as discreetly as we can because, as I am sure you would agree if you were in her shoes, she doesn't want her past all over the city. She has worked very hard to get where she is and she sees her past as a weakness although we have all explained to her that she shouldn't."

"Look, Gil. I would never go around discussing the details of the very private past of someone who works here unless it needed to be discussed and then it would only be with the certain people that needed to know about it. I do however, expect to be fully kept in the loop. This could be huge, and it sounds like you need all the help you can get." Ecklie said.

"I appreciate that. But could you please let graveyard handle this for now and trust me to come to you if we need any more help. We are also working with Brass and Sofia who are completely up to date about the situation." Grissom lied. No one but he, Catherine and Sara were completely up to date and he intended to keep it that way for now.

"Okay, I wont pull any other shifts in on it but I will help you work it. I want the files on both victims so I can familiarize myself with the cases, and I wont take no for an answer." Ecklie said and Grissom knew it was not up for debate. He bit back a few comments that would only get him suspended and prayed that Sara was strong enough to do the same, at least to Ecklie's face that is.

After Grissom made copies of the files and handed them over, Ecklie retreated to his office. Grissom hurried to the break room to check on Sara.

"How is she," he asked as he seen Sara seated in a chair and Catherine standing over her.

"We need to check her BP. I am pretty sure Ecklie succeeded in making it go through the roof." Catherine explained.

Sure enough, Sara's blood pressure was way too high. "Call Dr. Gordon," Grissom said in a panic.

"Slow down Gil, let her calm down a minute. She was fuming. I am sure mine and your blood pressure went up as well," Catherine explained.

"Sara, just take deep breaths. Do you feel any better now?" Grissom asked

Sara shrugged as she closed her eyes. Her stomach was rolling again and she was fighting the nausea as best as she could. However, she was losing the battle. She dove for the closest trash can, barely making it.

"Call," Grissom said to Catherine as he knelt beside Sara.

Catherine glanced around to make sure there was no one to overhear her conversation with the obstetrician. Catherine and Nicole Gordon had been friends for a long time. They met a couple years after Catherine had Lindsey and had been close ever since.

"Hey Cat, what's up?" Dr. Gordon answered.

"Nicole, it's Sara. Her blood pressure is up and she is getting sick again." Catherine told her.

"Has anything specific happened to stress her out?" the Dr asked.

"Oh yea, you could say that." Catherine answered.

"I will tell you what, I get off in a few minutes and I can run by there if your at work. I will bring a few supplies so we can check on the baby and some fluids in case Sara is dehydrated again. Will that work?" Gordon asked

"That would be great." Catherine closed the phone "She will be here in a few minutes."

Sara looked up stunned, "How are we going to explain that?"

"How would we explain another trip to the hospital? She knows to be discreet. She can examine you in the crib or Grissom's office." Catherine explained.

Sara sighed. She knew there was no sense in arguing. "The crib, I am going to lay down until she gets here. I just retched in the trash can, nothing came up so there is no need to change the bag," she said as she walked out the door.

Grissom looked to Catherine, "It's because she didn't have anything to throw up."

"She has got to start eating better." Catherine suggested.

"Yea, I know. I just feel like I am on her about everything and if we don't back off a little she is going to snap." Grissom confided.

"What did you tell Ecklie?" Catherine asked.

"He said he is going to work the case with us. Actually he demanded to. I had to give him the files on the two murders. He has agreed not to go public with Sara's past though." he told her.

"Yea, for now anyways. At lease unless it will better his career he will probably keep his word." Catherine said.

"Yea, Sara is still going to be very upset. She doesn't really trust anyone, especially not Conrad Ecklie. This could easily blow up. We have to make sure she keeps herself under control."

**Well there is chapter 7...review and hopefully I will be able to update very soon!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is chapter 8 finally. It may be a little out there as far as the medical stuff goes but hopefully it is entertaining…don't forget to review!**

**I have no beta so all mistakes are mine and I am so sorry for them!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Half and hour later Nicole Gordon met Catherine at the entrance of the Crime Lab. "Hey, how's it going now?" she asked as Catherine held the door for her.

"She is sleeping finally. I think she is making herself so sick from worrying that someone may find out about all of this. Her and Gil have apparently been together for quite some time but somehow kept it hidden from everyone in the lab, including me. They are breaking all the rules by being together and him being her supervisor. If or when Ecklie finds out one or both of them could be fired and that is one of the many things causing her to be so sick. Also, her and Ecklie got into a pretty heated argument about a case a few minutes before we called you." Catherine explained.

"Well the argument probably has a lot to do with her blood pressure sky rocketing. As for the relationship with her supervisor, it sounds like they have had a lot of practice keeping it a secret. They have gotten into a routine that separates their work life from their personal life and now its all running together and it is completely out of their control. The worse thing about it is there is nothing anyone can do to relieve that stress. I'm not sure if it would be better for the baby and Sara to go ahead and tell everyone or if that would push her over the breaking point and cause irreparable damage. It would help to know what everyone's reaction would be." Dr. Gordon said.

"Yea, but I'm pretty sure Ecklie would flip out and do a lot of screaming and requesting to go through all the files of the cases that Gil and Sara worked together to try and find something to hold against them. You see, Ecklie has always had it out for Gil, and Sara got on his bad side when she told him that the only reason he got Assistant Director is because Grissom wasn't a kiss ass. He has looked for any reason to fire her ever since." Catherine explained.

"That's great. It sounds like she has a pretty legitimate reason to be a little stressed." the doctor agreed.

They started talking about Lindsey and how she was growing when they entered the busy halls of the lab. Grissom was in his office on the phone until he seen Catherine and Dr. Gordon walking towards the crib, he instantly disconnected and met them at the door, watching to see who else noticed the out of place doctor.

"I think she is still sleeping." Grissom said quietly.

"I really should go ahead and examine her if she has been as sick as Cat says. I can give her something to help her go back to sleep when I'm done." Dr. Gordon said.

They entered the crib quietly and Grissom turned on the lights to find Sara curled into a ball with her arms wrapped around her stomach. She jerked awake and instantly grimaced in pain, closing her eyes and burying her face in the pillow to try and hide the pain from the others.

Grissom was instantly at her side. "Sara, what is it, what's wrong?" He pushed her hair back so he could see her face. She was gritting her teeth together as a tear ran from her eye.

Grissom's heart sank. He knew the signs of a miscarriage and he knew this was it. "It's okay Sara. It's going to be okay." She took his hand in one of hers and let a sob out. "God, it hurts. I am…so sorry Gil," she cried as she fought the pain.

Catherine just stared in shock and Dr. Gordon stepped forward. "Guys, I really need to examine her," she said as she knelt and took a few items from the bag.

Grissom kept a hold of Sara's hand and moved toward her head to let the doctor have her space. Catherine stepped toward Sara's head on the other side of her bed. They all stayed silent because there were no need for words. The only sound was Sara's faint sobs from the pain.

"Sara, I know it hurts, but I need you to turn over on your back and let me check you out. I can help you if you need me to." Dr. Gordon said.

Sara nodded after a second and the doctor helped her turn on her back. Sara tightened her grip on Grissom's hand and held her breath to keep herself from crying out from the pain. She closed her eyes tightly to try and block it out but nothing was working.

"Can't you give her something," Grissom begged.

"After I confirm my suspicion I will," the doctor said. She took her small ultrasound machine from her bag and turned it on. After squirting some gel on Sara's stomach she put the wand on and started to look. Her face turned from sadness to concern to shock. "She's not having a miscarriage."

Catherine and Grissom both looked up in shock. Sara rocked in pain, "Then what the hell is wrong," she cried.

Dr. Gordon continued to look on her machine. 'The baby seems to be okay, although it is in a little distress," she immediately put the ultrasound wand down and reached for her bag. "Sara, how long were you hurting before we arrived?"

Sara shook her head, "I don't know, maybe seven or eight minutes…can you…do something now?" she grimaced in pain again.

"Yes but I need to know some things before I give you this shot because it is going to knock you out. Now, is the pain constant or does it get better then worse again?" she asked.

"Both," Sara cried as she tightened her grip on Grissom's hand. "It gets better only to get worse again, but it never goes away."

"Scale of one to ten, ten being the worse, how bad has the pain been?" Dr. Gordon asked.

Sara grimaced and cried out, gripping her stomach and gritting her teeth to keep from screaming and attracting the whole lab. "I'm going with a ten," Gordon said as she jotted down notes quickly.

"Last thing, did it start instantly or did it build up over time?" the doctor asked.

Sara took a few breaths to try and fight through the pain, "My stomach has been hurting a little all day but I chalked it up to stress. I fell asleep in here and woke up to a sharp pain and then it got worse. I couldn't call for help because I couldn't move. I figured I was losing the baby so there wasn't much anyone could do anyways." She tensed again as the pain began to worsen.

"Okay, I am going to give you something to help with the pain. We can talk more when you wake up." Dr. Gordon said as she gave Sara a shot.

Grissom instantly felt Sara's grip loosen on his hand as her eyes drifted close. "What the hell is wrong?" he asked as the doctor began to run the ultrasound wand over Sara's stomach again.

Gordon stayed quiet for a minute as she studied her small screen. She took a deep breath and continued to look and examine while she slowly moved the wand back and forth. "Wow, I don't know how I missed this the first time. I guess I was just concentrating on the baby."

Grissom cleared his throat and stepped toward the doctor to look over her shoulder and see the screen of the machine. "What is it?"

"You see all these dark masses surrounding the uterus? This is all very old scar tissue. Her actual uterus looks great, and the baby is picking back up nicely. Do you know if she has ever taken any bad hits to the stomach?" The doctor continued to look at Sara's stomach while she waited on Grissom to answer.

Grissom's face turned to a look of complete horror. "Her father was abusive when she was a child. Could that be it?"

The doctor nodded slowly. "Wow, it must have gotten really bad." She continued to run the wand over Sara's stomach and shook her head, "he really done a lot of damage here. I've…never seen anything like it."

Grissom sat down slowly on the bed across from Sara, "I always thought it was just her mother." He pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes to try and stop the headache he could feel coming on.

"So what does this mean Nicole?" Catherine asked.

"It means she very possibly has a very painful road ahead. What has happened here is her uterus is starting to expand slightly and it is stretching and ripping that scar tissue. You see, scar tissue is very hard and tight and it doesn't give way easily. The older it is the harder it is. How old was she when she sustained these wounds?" Dr. Gordon asked Grissom.

He shook his head slightly, "She is very private about her past. Until now, I had no idea exactly how bad it was. Her father died when she was 12 so it had to be before then."

Catherine looked to Grissom and knew he was in shock over the discovery of Sara's past. She looked back to the doctor, "What about the baby?"

"The baby is doing great now. The heart beat is back where I want it. No more signs of distress. I want to keep a close eye on the baby from here on out but hopefully the uterus will work through the scar tissue and it will never affect the baby. If it ever stops giving way we will have to do something but, hopefully as the baby grows it will break through the tissue on its own. It will be painful for Sara but a lot safer for the baby."

"What exactly can we expect doctor?" Grissom asked. He was concerned about the baby but more so about Sara.

"That's a good question. I have seen this before but never to this extent. As the baby grows the uterus will hopefully push through the scar tissue causing it to stretch or rip. As long as that happens it will never affect the baby. It will however, be very painful for Sara. Sometimes it may just be a little pain, sometimes, this time for example, it may be excruciating. The key is to get the pain stopped before her blood pressure gets out of control and causes the baby to be in distress," the doctor finished.

Grissom looked down at Sara. She looked so peaceful for once in the last several days. This was all just too much. It seemed that they just couldn't catch a break. Things just kept going wrong and Sara being in that much pain was so hard to watch. "This is getting ridiculous. How much more can she take?" Grissom said to no one in particular. He sat down on the bed once again exasperated.

This was the worst Catherine had ever seen her boss. He never let his emotions show even in the worst type of situations. "She is strong Gil. She can do this and she has you and I to lean on along the way."

"I am going to give you a prescription for her. I don't want her to take this medicine unless the pain starts getting close to intolerable. It won't hurt the baby as long as it is taken in moderation. Tell her to use Tylenol for any minor pain and if she does have to take the stronger medicine to get somewhere and lay down because it will probably knock her out pretty quick. Keep a really close watch on her blood pressure especially when she is in pain and if it starts going up to much take the meds then as well." Dr. Gordon finished as she handed Grissom the prescription.

"Thank you," he said.

"And don't hesitate to call if you need anything or have any questions. Other than the pain she really seems to be doing great. Don't let her forget to keep taking her other medicine either. She may be just a hair on the dehydrated side so I am going to hook her up on some fluids before I leave. If she continues to vomit often call me because she may need more. The most important thing is keeping fluids down her right now," the doctor explained.

"Okay, I can remove the IV after the fluids are in if you need to go. I know you came from work so you must be tired. We are very appreciative that you have gone through so much trouble for us." Grissom told Dr. Gordon as he regained his composure.

"I'm glad to help. Anything else you need just call. Cat has my number and I will answer any time. As for the IV, I will take you up on that offer." Dr. Gordon got the IV and fluids in place and they all said their goodbyes.

Catherine walked out first and after she gave the all clear the doctor came out and Catherine walked her to her car.

Grissom stayed behind and held Sara's hand while she slept. A few minutes later the door to the crib opened and Catherine came back in. Grissom didn't even look up.

"Gil, you have got to pull yourself together. That could have been Ecklie walking through that door for all you know. The best thing for Sara right now is no more stress so we need to get control of this situation." Catherine set down beside him.

"She has been through so much. I had no idea. She never talks about it, wont talk about it. She just tries to shut everyone out of her past…" he trailed off as he put his head in his hands.

Catherine took a deep breath. "Why don't you take her home, try and get some sleep. She would probably rest better in her own bed. You look pretty rough yourself. I will call you if anything goes down."

"Catherine, have you forgotten there is a mad man after her and that may be exactly what he wants. I can't sleep even if I take her home. Some one has to stay alert and watch her back all the time." he replied.

"Talk to Jim. Tell him she is sick and you are taking her to your house to let her rest. Ask for a protective detail to set outside for a few hours." Catherine suggested.

Grissom sighed, "She will never go for that."

Catherine smiled and nodded her head, "Don't tell her."

Grissom sat thinking a moment. He knew Catherine was right. Sara and he both needed some sleep and maybe a shower and some clothes. They also needed a good meal. "I will go make the call."

"Good, I will stay with her until you get back." Catherine said. "Why don't you lock this door when you go because if someone sees her like this it will cause a lot of questions."

"Good point," Grissom agreed as he locked the door and headed for his office.

An hour later Grissom was helping Sara into their house. "Griss, I told you I can do it," Sara told him as they walked up the steps.

"Just stop being so stubborn and let me help you for once," he said.

They made their way to the bed room and changed into some comfortable sleep clothes. Sara pulled him close when they laid down and kissed him deeply.

"Mmm what was that for," he asked when she pulled back to breath.

"I have needed that all day. I need you Gil. I need to feel you holding me. I need to know there is something great still in my life. That not everything is going wrong." She pulled him over her. He wasn't sure if all of this was safe but hated to not give her what they both needed so badly.

"Sara, are you sure your up for this?" he asked as he stared into her eyes.

"Please Gil, I need this, I need you. I can handle it, I'm fine," she pulled his face to hers and he reluctantly gave in.

"Let me do the work," he told her as they slowly began to undress each other.

He was so gentle with her. All she had been able to think about ever since he told her about the scar tissue in her stomach was the memories of her young childhood. She knew he had wanted to ask but he was trying to give her the chance to tell him. She knew he had thought about it to. Right now though, she didn't want to talk, to remember. She wanted to forget. She wanted to just feel him, to not think about anything. She was so glad he understood. And finally, when the moment came, she forgot everything but him.

Two hours later he awoke feeling her stir in his arms. She was dreaming and he knew it as soon as he felt her tense. He tightened his grip and called her name softly, but she just tensed more.

"Daddy no, please," she pleaded.

"Sara, Sara wake up. It's a dream. Come back to me," Grissom said as he sat up in the bed and rubbed her arms to try and wake her.

Sara bolted upright in the bed. Her eyes were empty looking. Like she was still far away.

"Sara, look at me," Grissom took her chin and turned her toward him.

After a minute she focused on him. Her eyes instantly filling with tears. "It's okay honey, I'm here."

She wrapped her arms around him and sobbed. All the memories from her childhood flooding back. "Do you want to tell me?" he asked softly.

She shook her head, "I just want to forget. Just hold me."

He did as she asked. A few minutes later her sobs subsided and she began to pull away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize honey." He gently tucked her hair behind her ears. He hated seeing her like this and he knew there was nothing he could do to make her hurt any less.

"I never told you the extent of the abuse because I didn't want you to see me any differently," she said trying to keep her new found composure.

"Sara, don't you trust me by now? I am not going anywhere and I could never think less of you. I just…wish you could let me in." He looked deep in her eyes to show her how much he meant what he said.

After a moment she took a deep breath. "I can't remember how old I was when the abuse started. I think I have tried so hard to block it all out that it has just all blurred together. I do, however, remember that when he would come home from work my first instinct would be to run and hide in my closet. I learned quickly though, that it would only make it worse if he had to look for me. I can remember my mother's screams. She would plead for him to leave me out of it. That to, would only make it worse."

She paused, taking a shaky breath to hold herself together, then continued. "Most of the time he would only use his fists or his feet. But there was once, he was drunk…he had hit my mother so hard it knocked her out. This only pissed him off so he picked up my softball bat. I screamed at him to stop. That is when he turned on me. I was in a corner and couldn't get away. He hit me over and over. I blocked the first few blows with my arm so he broke it. Then he started hitting me in the stomach. I don't remember much after that. I woke up in the hospital with a shattered arm, some broken ribs, a concussion, and a lot of bruises. My dad told the doctor I was playing on top of the monkey bars at home and fell, hitting the slide on my way down. He told a pretty convincing story and of course the doctor believed him. He would apologize and tell my mom and I how much he loved us and that he was going to get help. Everything would be okay until he came home drunk again."

Grissom felt his heart break and swore that if Sara's mother hadn't already killed this bastard, he would do so himself.

"That was probably the worst beating I ever sustained. Most of the other times he would just hit or stomp. He never used a bat again and I never played softball again. I learned to keep my mouth shut, knowing that I would only make things worse. I stopped fighting back and that seemed to disinterest him. He would still hit me sometimes bust mostly he would go for mom. Around a year later was when she stabbed him to death. I knew she was going to do something because I will never forget the day it happened. I remember her sitting me down and telling me how sorry she was and how much she loved me. She made me promise to never forget that." A lone tear slid down Sara's cheek and Grissom gently wiped it away.

"Grissom, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know…what I am capable of," she looked down and touched her stomach.

"We will do this together. You are nothing like him Sara. Don't ever think that," he said as he laid his hand on top of hers.

"You don't know that. You don't know how I fight it every day. I can feel it inside me. Something can set me off and it is a constant battle for me not to lose it and I am so afraid that someday I wont be able to control myself. Grissom, what if…" she trailed off but he knew what she was thinking.

"It will never happen Sara. You would have killed Ecklie more times than I can count if you were really capable of that kind of violence," he smiled trying to make her feel better.

She rolled her eyes and tried to smile a little. She knew he was trying to make her feel better but she knew he would never understand what she was saying because he couldn't feel it like she could. She knew it was there, deep down. She also knew her grandfather had beat her father so it ran in the family.

"Let's get some food. You have to be hungry, I know I am," he said as he kissed her on the forehead and helped her up.

"I will cook us something if you want to grab a shower," she told him. She really needed some time to pull herself back together and she knew he understood that.

"You sure? I don't mind helping," he replied.

"Yes, go. You will probably start to stink soon," she smiled and headed off to the kitchen.

They ate when the meal was ready and then Sara took a quick shower. Grissom checked on her every few minutes which really bothered her but she tried to not let it show. She was beginning to get irritated around the sixth time he busted into the bathroom though.

"Gil, I will be out in a minute. I am fully capable of getting dressed, brushing my teeth, and drying my hair on my own. Now go in the living room and don't come back," she said rather bluntly.

"Sorry," he quickly obeyed knowing she needed her time but he couldn't help but worry after everything the doctor had discovered.

A few minutes later she came into the living room looking a little pale. "Honey, you okay? You look like your not feeling so well," he asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"My medicine is still at the lab. I am starting to feel a little queasy." she replied as she sat down.

"Are you going to make it there or do I need to call Catherine?" he asked grabbing his phone.

She just closed her eyes and shook her head, afraid that if she tried to speak she would lose her recently eaten dinner.

Grissom dialed Catherine's number quickly and after explaining the situation disconnected quickly, "She is on her way."

Sara just nodded and continued to take deep breaths. By the time Catherine arrived, she almost had it under control but decided to take the meds anyways. They checked her blood pressure and temp and everything seemed to look good.

"Well do you feel any better than the last time I seen you?" Catherine asked.

Sara nodded and smiled weakly, "I don't remember much the last time I saw you, I think your doctor friend drugged me."

Catherine laughed, "That she did, but you definitely needed drugged. That was intense. So, no more pain since then?"

"Not yet, but from what I understand, there will be more. I am not looking forward to that. I really thought I had a high pain tolerance but I am reevaluating that assumption." Sara said.

"You actually handled it pretty well. Nicole called to check on you and said the last case she worked like that the woman wasn't near as scarred but didn't handle the pain a fourth as good as you. She said you must be one tough cookie and you won't have any problems with the labor," Catherine said.

"Good to know. We just have to make it the labor now though," Sara said seriously. "What do you say we get back to the lab and the case. They should be shipping the foster files over pretty soon. Maybe we can finally get a lead." Sara said as she stood up already feeling much better.

"Sara, are you sure you want to get in the middle of the case? Catherine and I can handle it if you want to work on something else," Grissom said immediately regretting the way it came out.

Sara took a deep breath to control her anger, "I am fully capable of doing my job and I know you, Grissom, may see me as weak and vulnerable at the moment but remember that this time, for once, I am the more qualified one to look through those files. You may know a lot about that kind of life through your research but you will never come close to what I know so do not try and protect me. Trust me, it's too late for that." Sara turned, grabbed her bag with some extra clothes, and headed out the door.

Catherine looked at Grissom, "Wow, I think I just found out who gets the last word when you guys fight."

Grissom rolled his eyes, "Every time," he admitted as he headed out the door after Sara.

A few hours later Nick, Catherine, Sara, and Grissom were gathered around the table going over the little evidence they had collected so far. "There is just nothing here to help us. I have looked at all of this over and over again. We haven't missed anything because there is nothing to miss," Nick said exhausted.

"Nick, why don't you go home and get some rest. I know you have been working this without a break and we can handle it until you get back." Grissom told him.

"Thanks Griss but I think I will just catch a nap in the crib. I want to be here in case something else goes down. Nobody messes with my girl and gets away with it. I want to be here in case I am needed," Nick smiled at Sara and gave her a wink.

"Suit yourself but make sure you get enough sleep to have fresh eyes. I don't want you working this thing half asleep," Grissom ordered.

Sara pulled her phone out and dialed Sofia's number. "Hey, have we got the second vic's foster files yet?" she asked when Sofia answered.

"I am trying to track them down now. They were supposed to be here a couple hours ago so as soon as I get my hands on them I will be there." Sofia told Sara.

"K Thanks," Sara said as she disconnected. She looked to the others and told them what Sofia had said.

"Maybe we can finally get a break," Catherine said as Warrick and Greg entered ready for work.

"Hey guys, what's up? We got a new case?" Greg asked.

"Catherine, you better get them updated, we are going to need the whole team on this. I am kicking everything else to days and swing until we have this resolved." Grissom said.

Catherine looked to Sara, "You alright with this?"

Sara nodded because she didn't trust her voice. She could feel Grissom's eyes from across the room.

Catherine filled the two in on Sara's past and updated them on the case. Sara made it through without any tears, probably because she didn't have any more to shed.

"Wow, Sara. I had no idea. I'm sorry," Greg said trying to be comforting.

"I'm fine Greg. Don't be sorry for me. I'm here and I'm fine." Sara said so strongly she surprised herself.

Catherine pulled Grissom to the side, "Don't you think we should introduce the second note into evidence? There is nothing in it that is to incriminating and the less we hold back the better."

Grissom nodded, "Good point, I will get it from my office. You let Sara know."

Sara nodded and took a few deep breaths after Catherine whispered it to her. The others just looked on curiously until Grissom walked back in.

"There was a second note mailed in to Sara here at the lab. There were no prints on the actual letter and only a postal worker and Judy's on the envelope. You may all read it but understand that this all stays just between us. Remember that I, not Ecklie, am your direct supervisor so any information that leaves here goes through me first. No exceptions. If you don't like that, please take your things and go home and you will be called when this case is over."

Everyone just looked to one another to see if anyone else would take Grissom up on his offer. "This is like my family," Warrick said, "I will take this to my grave. You have my word Sara."

"Mine too," Greg agreed still in shock.

"Me too," Nick said as he walked back in, "couldn't sleep," he said as Grissom and Catherine eyed him.

"Fine, here it is," Grissom laid the note on the table and they passed it around slowly.

_Sara, _

_I have been watching you for a long while now. I have learned a lot about you in the past few years. Like yourself, I am a child of abuse. However, I have already started to suffer from the long term effects. It is only a matter of time before you give in to temptation as well. You have already shown the signs, like when you lost it with your superior at work and when you almost got a DUI but was saved both times by your so called supervisor. If it weren't for him, I believe you would have already went off the deep end but he keeps pulling you back away from the edge. You disgust me with your secret little fairy tale life. How long do you think you can continue with your facade now? How long until you come out of your so called closet? You are on a pretty short time line now as you know. You possibly have a few short months left before everyone learns your biggest secret. Is that enough to push you over the edge that he keeps pulling you away from? You will soon figure out that you are more like me than you think._

_Talk you soon,_

_Your Ghost_

"Wow, that was intense. He is really trying to get to you girl," Warrick said looking at Sara.

"No kidding," Greg agreed.

Nick walked over and squeezed Sara's shoulder, "Don't let this psycho get in your head Sar, we are all here for you and no matter what happens, that will never change."

Sara half smiled at him, "Thanks Nick. I know you are."

Just then the door opened and in walked Sofia and Jim, closely followed by Ecklie.

"Has there been a development?" Ecklie asked.

Sara rolled her eyes and stood. She was very uncomfortable with him knowing about anything in her life, especially her dark history. This was going to be a long night.

**Well, finally there is chapter 8. I know all the medical stuff is out there but hey, that's why its called fan fiction right! Sorry it took so long to get this out, I will try to be faster in the future but with work and home life I stay pretty busy!**

**Please read and review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**First off, thanks for the reviews! They make me want to write faster and update quicker! Sorry it is not all that quick but I am trying...**

**Hope you all enjoy, this chapter is not as long as the rest but I tried to get it up a little faster and now am working on chapter 10.**

**I will apologize now for any mistakes, they are mine and mine alone! Please forgive me.**

**O and I do not own anything from CSI...duh!**

**Chapter 9**

"We have the foster records," Sofia said to the others as she set the box of files on the table and glanced at Ecklie behind her. She looked at Grissom questioningly.

"Has there been a development?" Ecklie asked for the second time. He was irritated because no one jumped to answer him the first time.

"Not yet Conrad. We know no more than the last time you checked." Grissom answered hoping Ecklie would retreat back to his office.

No such luck, "Is that the second victims foster records?" Ecklie asked as he joined around the table with the others.

Sara was growing more and more irritated and uncomfortable with each passing second. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her rising temper. She could feel Grissom's eyes on her from across the room pleading with her to keep her cool.

"Yes, it is. Now, if you don't mind, we are going to get started going over them." Grissom said hoping he would get the hint.

No again, Ecklie pulled up a chair and sat beside Grissom. "Let's do it."

Grissom sighed. He was afraid of this. He didn't know how much Sara could take and he knew she would refuse to leave the room. She needed to go through the files herself because her files still hadn't came and she may possibly recognize something in the Surban file that would mean nothing to everyone else. He would just have to keep a close eye on her and hopefully Catherine would help.

Sara rose from her chair and took the one that was directly across the table from Grissom and Ecklie. She reached for the box and waited for Ecklie to say something.

Indeed he did, "Sara, what are you doing? You shouldn't be working this case. You know that." he said matter of factly.

Sara glared up at him. "Ecklie, I am the most qualified to look through these files. No one else, including you, would know what or who to look for."

"Then you should tell us and we should be the ones looking. If this goes to court we could be in a predicament with you being so close and this being so personal." Ecklie said. He was really trying to take Sara feelings into consideration but he still sounded like an ass.

"You don't get it do you. I can't recall all the names and families from that part of my life. Don't you think I would love to tell you all what to look for and get as far away from this case as possible. I hate this all being brought back up and thrown in my face after all these years. I don't know what we are looking for until I find it," Sara said letting her anger get the best of her.

Grissom cleared his throat, "How about we go over it together? I will ask you questions about the families in these files and you can see if you recall anything."

Sara rolled her eyes, like that was really going to be any better if or when this all went to trial. By that time her and Grissom's relationship would definitely be public knowledge. She pinched the bridge of her nose trying to keep her emotions in check. "Whatever. I need something to drink. I'll be back." Sara got up and headed toward the bathroom. She had to pull herself together especially if Ecklie planned on sitting in.

"I'll talk to her," said Catherine knowing Grissom was dying to go to her. She rushed out and headed after Sara.

Catherine found her leaning over the sink in the bathroom. She had splashed water on her face and it was now dripping from her nose as she stood there trying to compose herself.

"I can't do this Catherine. It's one thing having you and Grissom going through my files but Ecklie. He makes my blood boil. I cannot have a discussion with him about how my father beat the shit out of my mother and I and how I am still dealing with the scars he left." Sara shook her head hard, "I can't do it. I have spent my whole life trying to forget and trying to build all these walls to keep everyone away from my past and now…"

Catherine leaned against the wall, "Sara, I know you feel like your world is falling apart. And I know it doesn't seem like it now but all of this will eventually be over. Things will get better and you will have Grissom and this baby and your life will be better than you ever thought it could be. Your past is behind you and there is nothing you can do about what happened back then but you just have to be strong now and get through it and then you can put it all behind you again. No one is going to change the way they see you. If anything we will all see you as stronger because of it."

Sara took some deep breaths. "I know you don't understand, but my biggest fear is for us to lose our job. Grissom has told me he didn't care about that but I know he does. As for me, this is the closest thing to a family that I have ever had. I love it here. I can't see myself doing anything else. I don't want to have to go somewhere else to work every day. And I don't want my past hanging over my head for the rest of my life. I know how people look at people like me. I saw it every day until I got out of foster care. I hated it. You were always treated like you were breakable. Like there was a 'fragile, handle with care' sticker on your forehead. It is like it's all starting up again. Like I am 12 years old again. Even Ecklie is being too nice, and I can't take it."

"Wow, your mad because Ecklie is being 'too nice'" Catherine smiled.

"Let's just go get through this. Maybe he will leave when we are done." Sara said as she turned and headed for the exit.

Grissom and Ecklie had the files spread out on the table and Nick, Warrick, and Greg were all reading when Sara and Catherine sat back down at the table.

"Anything interesting yet?" Catherine asked Grissom.

"Not that I can see. Stella was only placed with three different families before she was adopted." Grissom answered.

Sara reached over to take the list of families from Grissom. She looked through the names and didn't see anything she recognized. She had however, tried to block as much of her past out of her mind that she possibly could. She still thought that if she seen the name of a family she had been placed with that it would ring a bell. She looked through them again, concentrating more this time…she still remembered no one from the list.

She could feel all eyes on her, "I wasn't placed in any of these homes." Sara looked through the rest of the files. "There should be a psych file here somewhere," she said to no one in particular.

"Here," Nick said handing it over to her.

Sara took it and glanced at the doctor's name at the top. Dr. Marcus Smith was who handled Stella Surban. Sara couldn't remember if that was her psychologist way back then but it was worth checking out. The file said Stella was distraught and in shock when she was first brought in. 'No shit' Sara thought to herself. The file talked about her bruises from previous beatings and about how the girl told the doctor about her father. It was all a little to close to home for Sara. Stella's father would come in and start drinking. If he didn't fall asleep in his chair he would get mad about something and take it out on the first person he came to. It went on to tell a few horror stories of the beatings and Sara finally stopped reading when she felt her head starting to spin.

"We need to check out this doctor," Sara told Grissom weakly. She hated sounding like that especially in front of this many people.

"Do you remember him?" Ecklie asked before anyone else could say anything.

"No but like I said before, I don't remember all of the names from back then." Sara said.

"I'm on it," Brass said as he grabbed the file and headed out the door.

"Hold up, I'm going to," Sara said as she got up a little to fast and grabbed the side of the table for support when the wave of dizziness hit.

Catherine took Sara by the arm as everyone looked on and inched closer in case she fell. Sara gently shrugged her off when the spell was over, "Thanks, I'm fine. Just got up to fast."

Sara took off behind Brass without looking back. It felt good to be out of that room and away from all the prying eyes that were so full of questions. She wished everyone was more like Brass. He may feel sorry for you but you will never know it. He was a hard ass and Sara loved him for it.

"I was hoping you would follow me," Brass said to Sara when they made it out of the lab and headed toward the station. "I figured you needed a break from all that. How you holding up?"

"I've been better. I just hate how everyone is acting like I can't do my job because some psycho is after me." Sara rolled her eyes.

"Yea, everyone gets so protective. I can't blame them but I also can't blame you for wanting some space and wanting to work. I know if there was some freak after me I would be busting my ass to find him before he reached his next victim. So you think there may be something to this Dr. Smith?" Brass asked.

Sara shrugged, "I really have no idea. Every foster child that comes from an abusive home is supposed to be assigned a psychologist who specialized in the field so I just thought it would be worth looking into. However, the doctors usually assigned to the children were fresh out of college and had zero experience. The city only had so much money to put into the system so most doctors done the work for cheap to gain experience then move on to a higher paying job."

"You seem to know a lot about it," Brass commented.

"I did a lot of research as a kid. While the others were fighting over the tv I was reading and researching whatever I could think of," Sara told him.

Back in the lab Grissom was worried about Sara. This was the first time she had been with someone not completely up to date since they found out about the pregnancy. "Catherine, why don't you go see what Brass finds and you and Sara go grab some food from the diner for everyone on your way back," he said as he handed her his credit card.

Catherine smiled, "Will do," she said waving off his card. She knew he was more worried about Sara than about eating, but it would be a good cover. Ecklie was still going through the files with the rest of the group but they were pretty sure there was nothing there to help the investigation.

As Catherine entered the station she spotted Sara and Brass in his office staring at a computer screen. "Find anything?" she asked as she entered the office.

"Well, yes and no. It's like Dr. Marcus Smith dropped off the map in 1994," Brass said.

"The same year I left foster care for college," Sara added.

"Hmm, so what could have happened to him?" Catherine asked.

"Well, after August of 94' he apparently quit the psychology profession. There is no paper trail of any kind. Not even a phone bill. It's as if he died, but there is no death certificate." Brass said with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Could have an alias. If he has never gotten caught for committing any crimes we wouldn't know if he is going by another name. What about next of kin?" Catherine asked.

"Nothing here. He didn't list anyone on any of his paperwork." Brass kept looking until he found a hospital, or institution rather, that Smith had interned at. He printed out the address and picked up the phone to call Sofia.

After he told her the deal he told her to fill Grissom in and meet him in 20 minutes in the parking lot. They were going to ask some questions.

"I want to come," Sara said.

"Oh no you don't," Catherine said. "Grissom would have my head if I let you go. It's not because I think you can't handle it but it would be stupid and dangerous and…"

Sara held her hand up to stop Catherine's rant, "I got it. I know." Sara hated it but she knew Catherine was right. She needed to get back to the lab and take her medicine. She could feel the nausea starting up slowly and knew she better get back before it got much worse.

As the two women left the station Catherine noticed Sara was looking a little pale. "Grissom wants us to grab some food and bring it back to the lab…you up for that?"

Sara nodded slightly, "Lets just make it quick, I am not to hungry at the moment."

"I know you are sick of everyone telling you what to do but you really need to try and eat on a regular basis. It will keep you from getting so run down," Catherine said hoping she didn't upset the younger woman.

"I know. I just feel like I can't keep anything down. And once I get sick it seems like I cant quit so it is kind of hard to make myself eat when I feel like this," Sara explained.

"How about you take your medicine and when you feel better you try to eat a decent meal. Maybe after that you can start trying to eat something every couple of hours or so," Catherine suggested.

"Sounds like your trying to get me fat," Sara joked half heartedly.

Catherine smiled. It was good to hear Sara joke after everything she had been through the last few days.

The two women entered the lab after swinging by the diner to pick up some food. By now Sara's stomach was in overdrive. She headed straight toward Grissom's office to get her medicine but was stopped by Ecklie calling her name wanting to know more about the doctor.

Sara was afraid if she stopped she would lose her newfound control she had over her rolling stomach. However, if she walked on into Grissom's office it would raise more questions from the one person she did not want be found out by. She decided to take her chances with the balding man and prayed for her stomach to settle down just long enough for her to get rid of him.

"What Ecklie," she asked a little to harshly.

"What all did you find on this so called doctor?" he asked.

"Whole lot of nothing…after August of 94' there is no trail whatsoever of a Dr. Marcus Smith. Brass is going to ask questions at a place where he interned before he started treating foster kids." Sara took several deep breath and hoped Ecklie didn't notice.

"Did you remember if you may have talked to this doctor while you were in the system?" he asked for the second time that day.

"I have already answered that question…I do not remember the name of the psychologist assigned to my case back then. Is that all Ecklie, I really need to check on something?" Sara said starting to lose the battle with her nausea as well as her patience.

"You sure you are okay? You are looking a little pale," Ecklie commented. "You may need to see a doctor. It is probably due to all the stress you have been under lately."

Sara rolled her eyes as she turned to go, "You have no idea," she said under her breath. She breathed deeply until she was pretty sure he was no longer watching her then she shot into the ladies bathroom and ran to the first stall.

After she was done she flushed the toilet and seen feet in the next stall. _Great _she thought to herself as she exited the stall.

Wendy came face to face with a pale looking Sara washing her hands and face at the sinks. "Sara, you okay? You don't look so good."

Sara smiled a little and nodded her head, "Yea, thanks. A case just got the best of me. I'll be fine."

"You know, you work too hard. If something ever happens to me, I pray you're the CSI assigned to my case. I don't think you ever sleep." Wendy said.

Sara wasn't sure if it was a compliment or not, "Thanks, I think."

Wendy smiled her sweet smile, "Take care of yourself girl," she said as she touched Sara on the shoulder. "And you may wanna take some Tylenol, you feel a little warm."

Sara was finally alone as she entered Grissom's office. She went straight for her medicine and after she got it down she grabbed the thermometer.

Just then Grissom walked in and Sara took a deep breath knowing he would make her lay down if she had just the slightest bit of fever. She discreetly slipped the thermometer into her pocket and made a mental note to check it as soon as she was alone again.

"How you feeling?" Grissom asked.

"Better now. I was a little late with my medicine and on my way to get it when I was cornered in the hall by Ecklie and of course he just made my stomach flip worse." Sara stopped talking when she seen a delivery guy in the hall. Grissom was saying something about her blood pressure but Sara couldn't hear every word.

She exited the office with Grissom still talking and met the delivery boy. His eyes lit up when he saw her, "I am looking for a Sara Sidle…" he said hoping he had found the right person.

"That's me" she took the pen and paper and signed for the box of files. Then she took the box from the boy and made her way to the layout room where she would hopefully be alone.

She was in luck, everyone else was in the break room eating so she set the box down and began to open it. It was then that she felt his eyes on her back. "Griss, can you just give me a minute. I really want to look through these alone first."

He walked close enough to rub his hands gently up and down her arms from behind, "I understand. I will be right outside if you need me. He glanced around for prying eyes then he kissed her shoulder softly. "I love you, Sara." Then he was gone.

A tear ran down her cheek as she felt the emotion in his touch. She needed him more than air, but she needed to be able to do this alone.

She took a few deep breaths and began to open the box. Just then she heard a commotion outside the door. She turned to see Grissom, Ecklie, and Catherine arguing. Then Ecklie pushed past the two of them and came into the layout room.

Sara immediately closed the box and stood in front of it as if she were trying to hide it. "What are you doing?" she asked angrily.

"Sara, you are going to blow this case. You can't be going through potential evidence alone. You know what that would look like at a trial." Ecklie was headed toward the box of Sara's files but Sara stepped in front off him.

"For your information, Ecklie, this is my own personal file and I STRESS personal. I will NOT have the entire lab going through this and I do NOT care what it does to the damn trial," Sara fumed. She could feel her stomach starting to cramp up and prayed the pain would stop before it got so bad she couldn't hide it.

"Sara, you ordered these files to the lab, therefore they are part of this case. At least let Catherine or Grissom go through them with you. That way you will at least not be going through them alone. I will stay in case you all need any help," Ecklie said.

"Look Ecklie, with all do respect, I do not want your help. I want to go through these files alone. I don't mind if Catherine or Grissom stay but I am doing this alone. If you don't like that, go find your own investigation and stay out of ours." Sara was getting closer and closer to a yell.

Grissom stepped closer to her noticing the slight look of pain on her face. He knew better than to get too close though or that would only make it worse.

"Sidle, you are getting closer to a suspension with every word that comes out of your mouth. I suggest you take five and pull yourself together," Ecklie said.

Sara fumed again, "And I suggest you go back to your office and suck the under sheriff's…"

"Sara," Grissom and Catherine said in unison.

Grissom took charge, "That's enough. Go wait for me in my office." He looked at Sara sternly to let her know he was serious.

"Grissom," she tried.

"Go, now." He was in supervisor mode and Sara knew there was no arguing.

Grissom then turned to Ecklie, "Conrad, you could show a little more compassion. This is a very private matter and you act like it should be a walk in the park. I will take these files in my office and let her go through them at her own pace by herself. She deserves a little privacy. Meanwhile, why don't you take a break and go back to your office for a while. I am sure you have some important business to take care of."

Ecklie huffed a little, "Fine Gil, but I will be back and I expect a full report on Sara's file. I want to know if she had the same doctor as the Surban girl or if we are barking up the wrong tree."

With that Ecklie headed for his office and Grissom and Catherine breathed a sigh of relief. "That could have got bad," Catherine said.

Grissom grabbed the box with Sara's files and headed for the door. "It did get bad. Sara is hurting again, and I still haven't filled the prescription for pain. We got busy and I completely forgot."

Catherine looked at him funny as they headed for his office, "When did she tell you she was hurting?"

They walked in to Sara curled up on the couch holding her stomach, "She didn't have to. It was written all over her face...here" Grissom handed her the prescription from his desk, "Take this and get it filled. Hurry back!" Grissom told her as he made his way to Sara.

**Authors notes:**

**Well I hope you enjoyed chapter 9...it was a little more case oriented and I am hoping to balance the case and personal business out from now on...it is taking the story a while to develope but it is coming along.**

**Please read and review...the more reviews the faster I seem to write!**


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